Loni Love: It’s Hard To “Carry Yourself Like A Wife” When There Is A Shortage Of Available Black Men To Marry
Culture editor Veronica Wells talked in depth this week about the small controversy singer Ciara stirred by sharing a clip of Pastor John Gray’s advice to women who were looking to get married.
“Here’s what the scripture says, ‘He that finds a wife, finds a good thing,'” he said. “Didn’t say he that finds a girl that he’s attracted to, who he then begins to date, who he then calls his girlfriend, who he then buys a ring, proposes and makes his fiance, who he then marries later, who becomes his wife. You’re not a wife when I marry you. You’re a wife when I find you. You become my wife when I marry you. But a wife is not a presence of a ring, it’s a presence of your character. Too many women want to be married but you walking in the spirit of girlfriend. Ask the Lord to deliver you from that spirit. Carry yourself like you’re already taken. I promise you when you carry yourself like a wife, a husband will find you.”
The singer, who wed husband Russell Wilson in 2016, shared the clip of Pastor Gray’s message with the caption, “#LevelUp. Don’t settle.”
While some agreed with the statements that were made, there were also a number of people who took issue with the message, citing a lack of messages being shared with men about how they need to carry themselves. One public figure who also wasn’t too pleased with the “carry yourself like a wife, a husband will find you” way of thinking is The Real co-host, Loni Love. On Monday’s show she made the point of asking how it would be possible for a Black woman to find their perfect match when a number of Black men are unavailable due to incarceration.
“Let’s tell the truth about why, I’m saying in the African-American community, why there is a shortage pool of available men. Why? Because of over incarceration, and the problem is, those are a lot of our brothers that we could be marrying,” she said. “If you’re growing up in say the projects, there are not a lot of men. And if those men are getting overly arrested, they can’t get a job, then that pool is limited. We have to fix the root problem, and the root problem is, why aren’t there enough available men so that women can get married? People want to be happy like Ciara. When she made this comment they were like, “You lucked up because you’re a celebrity, he was able to find you and you were able to find him but I’m sitting over here in the projects or I’m working every day and I can’t find dudes. Why? Because my dude is somewhere locked up! We need to start working on the facts, why are these brothers getting locked up so much? We need to work on this. Because if I have friends who are locked up over a $5 bag of weed, but now you got dispensaries where they can buy a $5 bag of weed, what is going on here?”
For the record, Ciara responded to criticism of her decision to share the post by clarifying that the message she was trying to get across was that in her own situation, she had to learn how to love herself the right way before she could be loved by anyone else:
As for Love’s own response, it’s a point that’s been made in the past. However, if these unavailable men she speaks of weren’t in prison, who’s to say they would actually be suitable partners ready to commit? Check out her comments in full on the show below: