How Your Relationship Changes With Your Mom After You Have Kids
When you have a child, your relationship with your mother changes undeniably, immeasurably, and forever. It’s almost impossible to fully understand the perspective of a parent—particularly a mother—until you are one yourself. You and your mom probably fight sometimes (or a lot) as all mother/daughter duos do. Maybe you fight about the same thing over and over and over again. You cannot understand why your mom won’t change her opinion on the matter or budge even the tiniest bit in her stance. Is it a personality flaw? A stubbornness? Honestly, it probably has to do with her being your mom and putting her concern for you before all else. Here are ways your relationship with your mother changes when you have kids.
You have retroactive empathy
Between the morning sickness and hormonal insanity of the pregnancy to every single terrifying and emotionally dizzying part of having an actual child, you suddenly have a lot of retroactive empathy for your mom. You expected her to be perfect when she was going through all this back then? Yikes.
You call her a lot
You’ll call your mom a lot. You won’t even have to worry about missing her calls and taking a day or two to call her back because it’s you who is calling her every three hours now.
You actually want her advice
You used to refuse her advice. You’d stop her in her tracks when you felt advice coming on. Now you want her advice all of the time because her advice might enhance the wellbeing of your child. And you recognize that your mom has a little more experience in the mother area than you do.
You need her comfort
You suddenly become deeply aware of how much comfort your mother can provide for you. You need it more than ever, and you feel very guilty for not giving her the chance to comfort you more often throughout life. You know she wanted to.
She may be the one person who understands
It feels like your mom is the only person who understands what you’re going through. Between the fact that she is an experienced mother and you share DNA, there is some magical pull there that makes you feel like only your mom gets you right now.
She’s the one babysitter you fully trust
You have the astounding realization that your mom is the one babysitter you fully trust. You don’t feel the need to give her a long list of detailed instructions or call every half hour to check in. You do that with your friends, but not with your mom. You know that she loves your child as much as you do and she’s got this.
You get mad if your dad doesn’t appreciate her
Since you have a newfound appreciation for your mother, you also have a newfound disgust for anyone who doesn’t appreciate her. If you notice your dad not give her a big enough thank you for the cup of coffee, you hound him about it.
You forgive her for a lot
There are so many grudges and fights you’ve been hanging onto your entire life. You’ll be amazed at how much you forgive your mother for once you’re a mom. In fact, you’ll realize that some of the things you thought she handled poorly, she actually handled pretty well.
You respect her like crazy
You treat your mother with far more respect than you ever have. You realize how frustrating it is when your own child disrespects you and you don’t want to put your mom through that pain ever again.
You let her be right
Before the baby came, you had all these ideas about how you were going to discipline him, raise him, feed him, have him sleep and so on. Now that the child is here and you realize parenthood is far more chaos than you could’ve imagined, you soften up on some of your hard-held parenting ideas and let your mom be right.
You have a lot of apologizing to do
Almost every day you have a moment with your child that reminds you of your own childhood and a time you mistreated your mom. You find yourself calling her to apologize a lot.
You realize how strong she is
You see your mom as some sort of a God. She survived this and with more grace than you are.
You begin to think about her elderly care
You start to think seriously about how you’d like to take care of your mother when she gets older and needs help. You’ve just realized, through being a mother, how much your mom did for you and you want to repay her.
When you fight, it’s worse than ever
Though you’ll fight less, when you do fight, it’ll be worse than ever. The only thing you’ll fight about is how you should take care of your child and that is a topic you get very heated about.
You want to hang out more
Your mom becomes one of your best friends. Not only do you have a strong biological bond, but she also has endless wisdom and stories to share. Why would you want to hang out with your friend who doesn’t have kids and who you’ve only known for a few years?