What It’s Like When You’re A Morning Person And He Isn’t
Do you find yourself waiting half a day for your partner to wake up? By the time he gets up, are you ready for your first nap? Have you already had two meals? Have you contemplated “accidentally” turning on loud music to wake him up? Being in a relationship with someone who is not a morning person when you are a morning person can be a real hindrance to the relationship. It’s almost as if you work totally opposite shifts at your jobs, but no real obligation is standing in your way of hanging out: it’s just your partner’s circadian rhythms! (Of course, he probably thinks your rhythms are the problem). But, you love everything about your partner other than his sleep schedule, so you need to find a way to make it work. Here are funny struggles of being with someone who isn’t a morning person, when you are one.
Pacing out snacks before lunch
Your partner says he wants to have brunch. But you’re up at 7am and you know he may not be up until 11, 12….So you have a little snack to hold you over. Then another little one. Then another one is he up yet you’re getting too full for brunch! By the time he gets up for brunch, you’re not hungry anymore.
You look amazing when he gets up
When your partner gets up, you’ve already gotten ready for the day and had the spare time to do something special with your hair or try that new eyeshadow trick. It’s pretty funny how different the two of you look at 10am. He looks like he just woke from the dead and you look ready to host the morning news.
In fact, he never sees you not put together
Your partner actually never sees you not put together. You don’t go to bed at the same time, so he doesn’t get to snuggle up next to you when your makeup is off and your hair is messy. And by the time he wakes up, you’re all done up.
He wants to snuggle when he gets up
Your partner always begs you to come snuggle with him when he gets up in the morning. But by that time, you’ve been up for hours and getting back in the musky bed just doesn’t sound appealing.
Nobody makes the bed
You can’t make the bed when you get up because your partner is still sleeping in it. He doesn’t make the bed because by the time he gets up you’re anxious for the two of you to get out the door.
Just as he’s ready for the day, you need a nap
By the time your partner is finally ready to leave the house, you need a nap. Hey: you went for a jog, cleaned the floors, walked the dog, opened mail, and Skyped with your mom already.
Everything closes before you can get there
You never make it to breakfast or brunch at this spot because it closes before your partner gets out of bed. So then you’re on a wild goose hunt for a lunch spot, and end up eating at 4pm. That means you look for a dinner spot at 9 and, yet again, places are closing.
The Farmer’s Market will never happen
You will never get that adorable couples’ experience of attending the Farmer’s Market with your partner. He’s still asleep by the time you get home, put away all your produce, and started baking a pie.
You eat two dinners
You eat dinner at the time he has his lunch, and then you eat a second dinner around 10pm so that you can have some semblance of a normal relationship.
You drag him through airports
Traveling with him is like traveling with a toddler. You have to physically hold him up while he brushes his teeth in the morning for the 7am flight and continuously wake him up in the TSA line.
Some people think you’re single
The people who work at the coffee shop and breakfast spot think you’re single because you always come in alone. You have told them time and time again you have a boyfriend but he is sleeping. But they think you’re making him up.
You’re pissed about 10 things by the time he gets up
By the time your partner gets up, you’ve been awake long enough to form some complaints and make a list of issues. This thing in the apartment is broken, that person called with a question about this, and where is this sweater/that mixing bowl/this shampoo?
You have to be a mom at night
You have to tell your partner and his friends to keep it down at night because his nighttime socializing begins just as you’re putting on your face mask and turning on your dehumidifier.
There are neighbors only you know
There are neighbors your partner has never met because they’re morning people, too. You know the morning dog walkers, the joggers, the elderly people who have breakfast at 7am. Your boyfriend has literally never seen these people.
His “midnight” pee is your wake-up time
When your partner gets up for his “Middle of the night” pee, you’re waking up for the day. He’s unzipping his pants with his eyes closed over the toilet, and you’re next to him at the sink putting on makeup.