8 People You Don’t Want to Sit Near on the Way Home for Thanksgiving

November 21, 2011  |  
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Thanksgiving is this week, ya’ll! WHOOP WHOOP! And while many people (like myself) are very excited to go home for a few days to parlay and relax with family and old friends, many (like me again) are not looking forward to what it takes to get our behinds back home. Whether that means six hours or more in a car, more on a bus, or just a few hours (yet grueling ones) on an airplane, everyone and their mothers will be out on the road, or sitting on a plane trying to get to who-knows-where. With that, here are a few of the people you should look out for when looking for a place to sit or trying to hitch a ride to get home for the holidays. Don’t even give them eye contact. Trust me.

The Chatty Cathy

If you’re like me, you probably take the opportunity of traveling for more than an hour to get your sleep on. Getting ready for trips home, from the last-minute packing the night before that leaves you up late, to trying to get where you need to be on time can just wear a chick out. But the person sitting next to you who talks to you at a mile a minute wouldn’t know all that. They obtained a good night’s rest and now they’re ready to meet new people and talk about how exciting their holiday will be.

WTF!? This isn’t a networking event, fool! Feel free to share a magazine or something with your “Chatty Cathy,” or do like I do–turn your head and play deaf. For the most part, I’m down for good conversation with strangers, but not when my eyes are heavier than all get out. If it helps, cut off any overhead lights and shut any open windows that might give the impression that you’re still available.

Sicky McSick Face

If you hear one cough out of someone who is getting on the same ride or flight as you, RUN! Okay, so maybe you don’t have to run, but briskly walk somewhere else because the last thing you want to bring home for Thanksgiving to your family other than smiles and good cheer is a damn cold. And you REALLY don’t want to not be able to taste your mother’s sweet potato pie, or your aunt’s stuffing because some fool didn’t want to dress right as the weather dropped. Hold your breath and keep it moving, aight!?

The Neglected Child

As bad as an overly-friendly adult is, a child who doesn’t get much attention from people just might be ten times worse. Children don’t have a good grasp of when someone is tired until said person yells or loses their right mind in front of them, therefore, if you have the luxury of choosing where you can sit, far away from children is probably a good look. Also try not to sit in front of kids who look like they have legs long enough to do some damage to the back of your seat. If you don’t like loud thuds to the back of your chair in the movies, you for damn sure won’t like it while you’re trying to relax on the way home.

The Man With No D*** Shoes On

On a recent flight home for a wedding, I had the…I don’t know what to call it…the misfortune of having to sit next to a man who decided to take his shoes off and let his sweaty feet breathe, and stank, all around me and the other person in our aisle. It would have been one thing if he would have just left his feet down on the ground, but he had the nerve to try and cross them so that he could relax a little bit easier and with more comfort. Glad he was as comfortable as possible, because I wasn’t. The last thing you need is someone with their Cheez-It smelling toes anywhere near your stuff or your nose. Therefore, dodge the folks still wearing flip flops in November, as well as those who clearly have no socks on. You’re asking for a whiff of toe jam boo.

The Person With the Overactive Bladder

Cool, so you worked really hard to get this awesome seat by the window. Congratulations, that’s really nice. Now, do everyone else a favor and stay your raggedy behind in your seat! How annoying is it really to have someone say “excuse me” to you umpteen times because they underestimated the power of all that Diet Dr. Pepper they downed before your mode of transportation got going? Saying “excuse me” is nice and polite and all, but after one or two times, especially when the person in the aisle seat is trying to have naptime? No, “EXCUSE YOU!”

The Person Who HAS to Be Going Through Menopause

Ever awoke from your nap, or been reading your magazine and felt like the temperature had dropped dramatically? Or in my case, had your sinuses acting a crazy fool because someone decided to turn the fan above YOUR head on? Happens to me often. I understand it though, because yes, people do get a little heated sitting in compact spaces for good amounts of time. However, how dare you turn on the fan when you’re still wearing a thick jacket? Watch out for the individual wearing Eskimo clothing on the plane or bus because they’ll likely go through about eight different comfort levels in a few hours.

The Person Who Needs Too Much Room

If you get on your plane, train or automobile and find that the person in front of you is already fully knocked out or really tall, you might want to keep looking around. Why? Because if you sit behind them, the top of their seat might actually reach your eye level once you take off. As a tall person myself, I can’t stand when people recline their chairs back so far that my knees are on fire and so am I 20 minutes into a flight. Not only does it actually keep me from using my laptop a lot of the time, but good luck trying to place that complimentary soft drink and peanuts down somewhere.

The Group Who Has No Act Right On Public Transportation

This will probably only happen if you and your friends, family or boo go somewhere nice and not the usual for Thanksgiving (Vegas maybe?). But if you’ve ever been on public transportation with a group of people who are just too damn excited to get where they’re going and use that time to max out credit cards on small bottles of alcohol and to talk loud and scream like they’re at an Usher concert, then you’ll know what I’m talking about. These type of people can keep you up during your entire trip and have you ready to papercut them to death with a complimentary magazine. If you get on your mode of transportation and find yourself walking behind a group of of very happy-go-lucky friends or family, be sure to take your behind far away from them. You’ll thank me later.

Have you ever sat next to someone who just got on your last nerve while traveling?

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