The Only Person You Should Be Getting Relationship Advice From

November 16, 2011  |  
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For the most part, you know what’s right for you. Yes, you do. You know when something feels right or wrong in a relationship. But often, we aren’t ready to face the truth, so we ask the opinion of everyone else first. If you do need to consult outside sources, there is only one type of person who you should be taking relationship advice from. It’s one type, but they exhibit a whole slew of traits. Like these:

They know your deal breakers

To one person, your complaint about your man might not sound that bad. But to someone who knows you, they know how much a certain issue is actually getting under your skin. They even know what you are, and are not, capable of living with in the long run in a relationship. Talk to someone who knows your deal-breakers, because to someone else, those might just seem like tiny, insignificant bumps in the road.

Someone with at least similar expectations

Don’t talk to your insecure, desperate friend who never gets mad at the men she dates, even if they cancel on her 8 times in a row. And don’t talk to your crazy, controlling, jealous friend who makes a scene when her man just glances at another woman. But hey—if you are just like them, then I guess do talk to them. Or seek therapy…But, you know what you must have and what you can’t stand in a relationship. Speak to someone whose must-haves and can’t-stands are similar to yours.

Someone whose priority is your wellbeing, not your opinion

It’s not always easy to tell a friend the truth. It’s certainly not easy to tell a friend that you think her boyfriend is a lunatic/jerk/cheater—whatever. But it’s the friends who are willing to tell you that—who are willing to take the risk of pissing you off for the chance of helping you—who you’ll actually get genuine advice from.

Someone nowhere near a breakup

Don’t talk to your friend who has been fighting constantly with her guy lately or the one who recently broke up with someone. She is going to pull the worst out of every story you tell her about you and your boyfriend. She is going to see anything you tell her as a reason to breakup, because it will somehow remind her of a fight she had with her most recent ex, or with the guy she is fighting with. In other words, don’t talk to someone who hates men right now.

Someone un-invested

Maybe you and your girlfriend have been dating two best friends. And it will be really awkward for your friend if you break up with your guy, because she will still see him all the time. Don’t talk to her. Maybe your girlfriend is the only girl single in your group of friends, and she is dying to have another single girlfriend again! Probably not best to talk to her. Talk to someone for whom your decisions will not affect their happiness. Or someone so selfless that, even if your decision did affect them, they are more concerned with your wellbeing.

Someone who’s been out there

Don’t talk to your friend who married her high school sweetheart and he was the only guy she ever dated. Don’t talk to your hermit friend who never dates. The most valuable person for you to speak to is someone who has dated plenty of different types of men, and experienced being treated in many ways. She will have a better perspective on whether you are being rational or irrational, oversensitive or completely justified in your concerns.

Someone who loves you

It’s kind of a given, and it is implied in all the other traits on this list, but the advice of the most experienced woman in the most incredible relationship will be of no use to you if she doesn’t love you. Chances are, she won’t listen to your entire story. And she just won’t feel as strong of a desire to help you as a long-time, close friend or your mother would.

 

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