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by Quierra Davis-Martin

I’m sure we’ve all wondered at one time or another if the friends we have are really our “true friends.” We’ve all had a fight with a friend that’s made us say “she wasn’t my true friend anyway.” What exactly does this mean? Does it mean you’ve felt it all along and now your friend’s actions have given you confirmation? We’ve also heard the term frenemy. A frenemy is someone who claims to be your friend but deep down inside doesn’t want you to prosper in any area of your life. Sounds crazy right? You’d think to yourself why wouldn’t two friends want the best for each other if they are so called true friends? Is it to keep tabs on the person? Is it to constantly be able to upstage the person? Is it for some sort of personal gain? Or is it based on the saying ‘keep your friends close but your enemies closer?’

There can be many different types of friendships that have you wondering if someone is your true friend or just a frenemy. You have your ride or die friendships where you know these friends always have your back no matter what. You have your friends at work or church, who are good friends but you may not confide in them about everything. Then you have friends who you like to hang and party with because they are connected to a specific crowd that you like to be around. Since friendships can come in so many facets it’s easy for the real meaning of a true friend to become a grey area. Even when the area isn’t grey you still have friends that are always around each other but seem to really not like one another. It’s a very strange phenomenon.

A perfect example of this is my cousin and her so called best friend. They’ve been friends since elementary school but their relationship is one of the weirdest I’ve ever seen. They always seem to be down each other’s throat and engaging in some sort of competition. I feel they genuinely care for one another but it seems as if they go out of their way to prove that the other is prettier, smarter or just all around “better.”

Whenever I’m around them there is always a competition in their conversations, a competition in dressing and especially a competition with men. They sometime even go out of their way to put the others flaws and shortcomings on display. Not to mention the constant talking behind each other’s back. Even through all this they still claim to be the best of friends. Watching their relationship makes it’s clear that they both are dealing with jealousy, envy and insecurity issues. Why is this? Can’t two women be great friends without feeling threatened or intimidated by the other?

Sure there will always be someone smarter, prettier or with more money but that’s where confidence comes in. When a woman is sure of who she is in her own rite, competition no longer matters. A woman who is truly secure in herself says “there’s no competition”, I am great and so are you! I truly feel that women need to recognize this and be comfortable and happy with themselves. There’s no need to allow jealousy to create tension in your friendships.

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