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For years, people have been asking Gabrielle Union when she’s going to have kids and, often, the actress laughs off the question, making remarks like, “my ovaries are coughing up dust.” What many don’t know, however, is that the 44-year-old has actually been pregnant many times, yet failed to carry a baby to term, as she revealed in her new memoir.

People magazine obtained an exclusive excerpt from her book, We’re Going to Need More Wine, in which she wrote:

“I have had eight or nine miscarriages. For three years, my body has been a prisoner of trying to get pregnant — I’ve either been about to go into an IVF cycle, in the middle of an IVF cycle, or coming out of an IVF cycle.”

If you recall, last June there was speculation the Being Mary Jane star was expecting  and at the time she dismissed the chatter by chalking up the bloat to her period.

While at the time, the wife and stepmother appeared somewhat unbothered by the rumors, in speaking with People, she talked about the harm such conversations can do.

“Once a month I look like I’m in my second trimester because I’m bloated,” she explained. “It leads to the questions and it leads to the rumors and anytime I go into a doctor’s office I feel like I’m a member of SEAL Team Six undercover because I don’t want people to speculate.

“For so many women, and not just women in the spotlight, people feel very entitled to know, ‘Do you want kids?’” she added. “A lot of people, especially people that have fertility issues, just say ‘no’ because that’s a lot easier than being honest about whatever is actually going on. People mean so well, but they have no idea the harm or frustration it can cause.”

Despite the struggles she and husband Dwyane have endured to bring a child into the world together, Gabby says the two are not giving up. In fact, she writes, they “remain bursting with love and ready to do anything to meet the child we’ve both dreamed of.”

We’re Going to Need More Wine will be released October 17.

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