How A Real Man Responds To His Partner’s Career Success

September 19, 2017  |  
1 of 15 business, Shot at creative architect office

If you begin a relationship while you’re still getting your start in your career, aren’t quite established, are working as an assistant or pinching pennies while you pursue investors, things can change drastically if you become successful during that same relationship. Your partner is used to the version of you who sometimes doubts herself, who can only afford to go out for drinks with friends once a month and who still nervously answers calls from a boss. I’m not saying he liked that version or hoped you’d remain that way, but I’m just saying it’s what he was used to. When your career shifts everything in your life shifts. Some men are, unfortunately, intimidated by a woman’s success. Or they simply want her attention all to themselves and are jealous that her career is demanding more of her time. But don’t stand for that. Here is how a real man responds to his partner’s career success.

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He brags about it on social media

He posts a photo of you signing that contract, shaking that hand or opening the doors to your new business. He captions it with a long story about everything you’ve been through and how much you’ve inspired him. He is, in part, acting as your cheerleader and your publicist. He wants everyone to know that you’re open for business!




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He brags about it to his family and friends

He is proud to call his family and friends and tell them all about it. He calls his parents to tell them about your success—not his, but yours. Why? Because your success is his. He likes knowing that his parents are impressed by you. He likes to show you off to them.





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He’s attracted to it

He thinks your success is hot. He may want to do it three times a day now. He loves all the qualities that helped you get here like perseverance, conviction and a stubborn attachment to your goals and values. When you talk about all the work you’ll need to do now to keep up with this success, he gets turned on.





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He throws her a party

Your partner recognizes that this is a huge deal and huge deals deserve celebrations. He insists on throwing you a party or at least inviting friends out to dinner to celebrate. Even if you’re too busy or distracted to throw yourself one, he tells you he’ll plan everything and you just need to show up.




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He feels it is his success, too

He feels genuinely fulfilled and excited by your success. He sees the two of you as a unit, and a win for you is a win for the unit. He walks around on cloud nine as if he accomplished this. He isn’t stealing credit from you; he is simply so connected to your emotions and experiences that he feels your joy.





He pays it the attention it deserves

He doesn’t just say, “That’s great!” and rejoice for ten minutes before returning to doing the dishes. He understands that something like this warrants pushing the pause button on life. He drops what he is doing. The dishes can wait. That email can wait. He gives this the attention it deserves. He doesn’t leave you feeling like, “That’s it? He’s back to watching Netflix now?”



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He doesn’t feel threatened

He doesn’t feel that your success shadows his. He doesn’t compare himself to you. He isn’t jealous. He doesn’t in any way relate your success to his. One does not affect the other. He understands that you can be successful and that should not change the way he feels about you, or his own work.




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He asks for her advice and guidance

Hello! A smart person seeks advice from successful people. Your partner is humble enough to recognize that you’re probably onto something—you may just know a thing or two about business—if you’ve become this successful. Maybe he should ask for your guidance.






He doesn’t feel insecure

He doesn’t start talking badly about his own work and success. He doesn’t fear that you won’t be as attracted to him. He doesn’t feel the need to explain or defend all of his actions for fear that you’re judging him and waiting for him to catch up. He trusts that you trust him and his path.






He doesn’t complain that she gets all the attention

He doesn’t complain that you get all the attention. You should get all the attention! In fact, he’s always thought that the whole world should see how incredible you are. He thinks it’s only fair and right that everybody is finally recognizing how special you are. He helps them shine the spotlight on you.




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He helped her get there, emotionally

He was a part of this. He was there to listen to you vent and complain about the struggle. He was there to make you dinner when you were too drained to make your own. He was there to pick out a funny movie when you needed a laugh after a letdown.


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He doesn’t think it means he doesn’t need to work

He doesn’t think this is his way out of work. He doesn’t quit his job unexpectedly, presuming you’ll pay for his life. He doesn’t slack off because you can just cover him if he gets fired. He still owns his own success and his own journey.






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He thanks her

He thanks you for inspiring him. He thanks you for putting in work that could potentially secure a future for the two of you, for a home, for the family you may build one day…He recognizes that you’ve done something wonderful for your family, financially and otherwise.







He doesn’t imply she got it in a weird way

He doesn’t suggest you got the job because you befriended the boss, or flirted with somebody or because your father knew somebody. He doesn’t say you got it because you were the only one available. He in no way belittles your success or suggests it came about in some shady way.






He doesn’t worry she’ll want someone more successful

He doesn’t fear that you’ll leave him for a more successful partner. He knows your bond is about so much more than surface things like money or career or physical looks. Your bond reaches down into the depths of your characters and your values. He doesn’t feel that this changes your connection in any way.

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