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You notice it when someone else talks badly about you. You’ve even come to realize when you talk badly about yourself, because your friends and family pointed it out. But one very difficult form of negative self-talk to catch (and stop) is the type you do silently. I suppose you could call it negative thinking, but you have these thoughts with such conviction that it is as if you’re having a conversation with yourself. In fact, negative thinking can be more dangerous than negative talking because it’s not like your friends can hear the terrible things you’re thinking, and tell you why you’re wrong. Meanwhile negative talk could be keeping you from having the career you want, the romantic partner you want, the friends you want, the body you want, and even the general respect you want from others. Here are times you do negative self-talk and don’t even realize it.

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When you want to ask a guy out

“Why would he choose me over everyone else in this bar?” “I’m delusional to think I’m the person he wants approaching him.” “Approaching him will turn him off, even if he were interested in me.” Guess what? If he had his eye on someone else, or just isn’t into you, he’s not going to state that. He’ll let it be known this isn’t a good match through subtle hints. Leave it up to him to show you if he’s happy that you approached him. You just worry about making the approach. It’s not going to kill you.

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