Is This Petty? Sharing Pictures Of A New “Bae” Soon After A Breakup

September 8, 2017  |  

When you’ve gone through a breakup that has been, well, messy to say the least, should there be a waiting period of sorts when it comes to being out in the open with a new romantic interest?


I ask this question after watching the drama unfold on two of my favorite Sunday-night shows: 90 Day Fiance and Insecure.

During the second part of the 90 Day reunion, we got to hear from Danielle and Muhammad, a couple who, from jump, didn’t seem to be a fit and have since become enemies. He pretty much demeans her at every turn, and after stalking his life on social media and claiming she’s moved on (LIES!), she’s hoping to get him deported.

Anywho, during the conversation about their failed marriage, the topic of why Danielle seemed so concerned about Muhammad’s post-marital dating habits came up. He told her that the women she sees him hanging out with on social media are just friends, and even if they weren’t, it wouldn’t be her business as they go through their divorce/annulment process. But according to Danielle, as his estranged wife, she’s owed some respect. He can date whomever he likes, but he’s wrong for sharing pictures of himself with these women on social media for the world to see so soon. Lesson? Move on, but do so quietly.

This topic was also briefly, and intensely up for discussion on Insecure. When Issa and Lawrence finally had it out after she walked out of Derek’s birthday dinner, she called him out for blocking her on Facebook. He replied by admitting that he did, but said that he chose to so because he didn’t like seeing images of Issa with Daniel on social media. While she wasn’t the one who posted such images (and really, Daniel wasn’t all up on her in them), he didn’t care. Knowing that she seemed to be moving on with the person she cheated on him with, to Lawrence, was a clear sign of disrespect.

So I guess the question I’m posing here is, is there a certain time frame you need to wait before you make a new situation public when you just left a relationship? While he claims he didn’t abandon his family for actress Minka Kelly, actor Jesse Williams’s decision to go out with her and be snapped by photogs on date night soon after his split has rubbed a lot of his previous female fans the wrong way. (It’s also pushed his estranged wife to ensure that part of their custody agreement for their two children includes a rule that they can’t bring new boos around the kids until after six months of dating.)

When is it tacky?  And when is it being too concerned about someone who you shouldn’t be walking on life eggshells for?

I think that as adults, we have to take whatever post-breakup pangs we feel as big girls and boys. When a relationship ends, you can’t control what your ex does (or who they do) and you can’t expect them to put you and your possible emotions first when you’re no longer together. If you meet someone new or start a new relationship (or in Issa’s case, a situationship), it’s a tad crazy to feel like you have to duck and dodge cameras, as though you’re a celebrity of some sort, to keep your former partner from finding out you’re dating again. You’re not doing anything wrong. In fact, you’re moving on in the way you see fit, so if you choose to share one picture or a few, that’s your business. However, there’s a difference between naturally sharing an image because you’re happy and sharing way too many because you want to make everyone else (including that ex) think you’re happy. As for the person who might get hurt by it and more so, hurt by the realization that it really could be “over” over, it might be the push they need to move on fully. You never know.

And if it’s not, they’re always free to hit “block,” which if you ask me, is not petty. It’s self-care…

But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Is it petty to share pictures of a new romantic interest soon after a breakup? Is there a tactful way to go about it? 

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