Period Brain Moments Every Woman Has Had
Period brain is real. I feel like I need to say that for the male significant others out there who doubt their female partners when they say the reason they’re spacing things out or forgetting details is due to their period. If men can have post-orgasm brain (which you know they do), women can certainly have period brain. To be accurate, I should state that period brain is actually PMS brain—right before our periods is when we can forget things, struggle to concentrate and just don’t feel quite on the ball. Our actual periods actually cause an uptick in hormones that improves our memory, our alertness and overall problem-solving skills. But right before that, simply writing our name on a piece of paper can feel daunting. Here are period brain moments every woman has had.
The need to snuggle. Now.
When the urge to snuggle comes on during period brain, it comes on strong. Every second your partner isn’t literally draping his body across yours feels like an eternity. If he can’t snuggle you immediately, you ask him what he is doing every single second until he can snuggle you and you take it upon yourself to judge whether or not he actually has to do that. “You don’t need to pee you need to snuggle me!”
Increased sensitivity to text response time
If your partner takes twenty minutes to respond to a text or god forbid does not answer your phone call, your brain starts playing tricks on you. You begin analyzing your relationship, wondering if you’re starting to drift apart. When your partner finally does call you back (all of ten minutes later) you go on a tirade about how in love you two used to be and how your relationship is in a lull now! All over a delayed phone call.
Feeling glued to the couch
There are moments during period brain when it feels like you may never get up off the couch again. You swear someone has filled your body with sand bags because even so much as crossing one leg over the other feels like the most physically challenging thing you’ve ever had to do. When your partner asks you to hand him the remote control, which is two inches from your right hand, you groan as if he asked you to lift up a car.
Secret shower neglect
We all secretly get a little lazy about hygiene during period brain. We already barely feel like standing up and walking across the apartment, so standing up for five straight minutes in the shower, lifting our legs to get a good, smooth shave in and reaching over our shoulders to clean our backs is just too much to handle. We won’t say exactly how much less we shower, but let’s just say that it’s less.
Eating out of containers/over the sink
The organizational skills required to chop vegetables, keep an eye on oven times and set the table is just too much to handle. So we eat cold leftover pasta standing in front of the open fridge door or just use tortilla chips as spoons to eat a can of beans. Even making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is too much of a task so we just hold a chunk of bread in one hand and dunk it into open jars of peanut butter and jelly.
Everyone needs to get in bed right now
When you want to go to sleep on period brain, you want to go to sleep now. You’ll drop whatever you’re doing—you’ll stop washing a dish mid-wash—and collapse in bed. But it goes beyond that; you want your partner to stop what he is doing and get into bed then, too. For whatever reason, all persons in the house must cease all activity at that very second and get in bed.
I can’t listen/why aren’t you talking to me?
You fluctuate between feeling like your head is going to explode if your partner utters even one sentence—you cannot take in information right now—and panicking over the fact that your partner isn’t speaking to you. The poor guy doesn’t know what to do.
Let’s move, change careers and change everything
When your brain is foggy, you can become a bit melodramatic. You might start droning on about the fact that maybe your job is wrong for you, maybe this city is wrong for you and maybe your entire persona is wrong for you. You and your partner should sell all your belongings and move to a commune in the mountains and…oh…you fell asleep.
The online shopping rabbit hole
A woman with a period brain should not be allowed access to the Internet and she definitely shouldn’t have a credit card on hand if there is a computer nearby. I can’t explain why, but every single knick-knack available on Amazon Prime suddenly seems like something we need in our lives right now.
Switching TV shows every three minutes
This show isn’t realistic enough, this show has too dark of a tone, the colors in this show are too bright, this actor’s voice is annoying, this plot is unrealistic, and this show is too depressing.
Reading into sexual rejection way too much
Just like we do about the delayed text response, we can read way too much into sexual rejection. If period hormones get us horny and our partners aren’t in the mood, we can become certain our partners have fallen out of love with us, or our bond is broken, or our partner is cheating!
Angrily insisting you have period brain
If your partner mentions you forgot to bring in the mail or you left the water running, you lose it on him for not being more sensitive to the fact that you have period brain right now. Nothing is your fault—it’s the period brain! If he doesn’t believe period brain is a thing, you force him to sit down and read an article about it. Or five articles.
Angrily insisting you don’t have period brain
While you are allowed to blame your behavior on period brain, your partner absolutely isn’t allowed to. So if he says you did something because of period brain, he gets a lecture on how that is sexist and judgmental.
When it’s time to eat, nothing sounds good
If someone lists off every food in the world, nothing sounds good. You’re hungry, but the thought of any type of food repulses you at worst, and bores you at best. Your poor partner is starving but you won’t agree on any restaurant in the entire town.
Until there is food in front of you.
Your partner has learned that if he simply puts you in the car, drives you to a restaurant and puts food in front of you, you will eat literally everything, and then order two more of everything.