<> on September 4, 2016 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Shareif Ziyadat / Contributor

Credit: Getty/Shareif Ziyadat/Contributor

I’ve been mulling something over in my mind for a while now and, forgive me if my thoughts aren’t quite ready to be placed in article form yet, but after waking up to another instance of Carmelo lurking on La La’s Instagram feed, I felt it time to say my piece.

Ever since Carmelo and La La announced their separation — or TMZ exposed their personal business rather — the public has been obsessed with how they maneuver, more so than when the pair was together. And since none of us knows these individuals in real life, everyone has been using everything they see on social media to craft this narrative that La La is stuntin’ on the ‘gram with her revenge body to let her estranged husband know what he’s missing, and Melo is thirsting after every single image (and even posting a few of his own) because he wants that old thing back. And you know what, that may all be well and true, but can we stop acting as though seven years of marriage and at least 13 years of a relationship can be reduced to something so trivial?

I get it; men are simple. Often, it’s just a look from another woman that will cause a man to blow up his entire family and career because he simply couldn’t see the bigger picture. And it’s also true men often don’t see what they’ve been missing until you show them you’re doing good — or in La La’s case, amazing — without them. But do we not think in seven years of marriage he’s seen La La’s body? That he’s watched her do her thing, transitioning from interviewing talent on red carpets to being interviewed as talent on red carpets? That he’s seen the type of mother she’s been to their son? From the outside looking in, he might get in his feelings for a second and think, Damn, she seems to be doing good without me, and post some sort of tribute declaring her his “earth” or comment on her photos. But when it comes down to acting right and being the man she needs him to be, well, that’s not something he can do for the ‘gram. This, of course, is assuming he’s the cause of their split, but rumors of his infidelity suggest that’s a safe assumption.

I guess my point is I’m tired of the public spectacle. From having watched more episodes of La La’s Full Court Life than I care to admit, Carmelo never seemed that interested in his wife. I don’t say that to be shady, it’s just that I get a vibe of nonchalance from him when it comes to her (some would say the same could be said of his performance on the court as of late as well). Maybe his IG lurking is his way of trying to give La La the attention (I assume) she’s been craving all along. That may work when it comes to T.I. and Tiny, whose non-breakup is an even bigger spectacle, but I want Carmelo to do more (if he isn’t already) and for La La to demand more (if she isn’t already). You’re my husband, pick up the phone and call me, don’t tease me on social media like we’re two strangers crushing on one another.

Every time a famous couple has issues, it’s always the women who have to explain and, more often than not, they still respect the privacy of their union and the image of the men they call their husbands too much to really air their dirty laundry. The same men who didn’t show them the same respect when they had break babies, or non-break babies, slid in someone’s DMs, were extorted for cheating, or caught in a compromising position. Don’t write emojis on Instagram photos, write a public apology for the embarrassment you’ve put the women you claim you love through when they had to take a break from promoting their work in the media to address your mess. Lurking is cute, but it’s not commitment; it’s not change. Quite frankly, it’s bare minimum; a temporary ego boost as fleeting as many of these men’s desire to uphold their vows.

I won’t pretend to know an inkling of what has transpired between La La and Carmelo to get them to this point in their relationship or what it would take to get them out of it. I just hope when all is said and done, the superficial will be swapped for substance and the public gets to witness that too.

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