How My Friends’ Love Lives Ended Our Friendships
Facebook is the ultimate rabbit hole of memories. All it takes is one of those ridiculous animations to pop up on my feed and suddenly I’m transported back 10 years to the questionable fashion choices and even more questionable man selections of my college days. And while this stroll down memory lane definitely comes with its cringe-worthy moments, it also comes with some sadness. As I look through the photos, I come across the incredible friends I had in that moment, the ladies I thought would surely be in my bridal party and would take turns watching my babies (if that day comes). But somewhere between then and now, those friendships I thought would last a lifetime have quickly shriveled up into a shell of what they once were. Where there were once feelings of love and sisterhood, there now is animosity, frustration and, worst of all, indifference.
Look, there is nothing surprising about people drifting apart. Being in different states, out of each other’s daily orbit obviously has a way of causing people to fall out of touch with one another. But I don’t necessarily think that was what happened between some of my friends and I. I’d be more inclined to think that their choices on the love front had something to do with it. That’s not to say that our friendships took a hit because I didn’t like the men that they were with. Oftentimes I didn’t even get to know them well enough to make that judgment call. What I didn’t like was how they were around these guys I barely knew.
Case in point: One of my best friends in college, someone I had been close to since Day 1 became increasingly penis-obsessed while we were in school. Hormones out of control, she was all about tackling the hottest, most desirable man to cross our paths. Regardless of whether someone else in our friend circle had a crush on him or if he had a girlfriend, this friend didn’t skip a beat on her quest to bed him. This selfishness became a cancer that infected our friendship. There were certainly other factors that contributed to the demise of our friendship, but every time I thought we had gotten past another roadblock, somehow a dude would find his way into the mix. We have barely spoken in more than nine years.
I have seen other friendships dissipate in similar fashion, but for other reasons. From friends whose quest to become a WAG made them blind to those around them to women who just saw dollar signs when they should have been looking for love, there have been many friendships sacrificed at the altar of relationships. The idea of chicks before dicks seemed to be an archaic notion to these women who went from being independent, strong-willed ladies who didn’t give a damn about what men think to silly girls whose every decision boiled down to what would get her the guy.
Another great example was a close friend who thought that college was essentially a four-year quest to find a husband. Sure there were classes and preparing for a professional future, but that really just took away from time that she could be on the prowl to find the man that would ultimately take care of her. Needless to say the losers came and they went and she graduated without a husband, without much professional direction and without the same strong friendships she once had.
I’ll be the first to admit that it was remarkably satisfying to see these little trysts and love affairs crash and burn. I certainly wasn’t rooting against my friends or their new loves in that moment, but I d be lying if I said there wasn’t a smirk on my face after my friends had acted a fool to attract a boy, only for him to fall horribly short of her expectations. And that gets to the root of my issue with all this mess: Ultimately what frustrated me most about the dissolution of these friendships was how women who were smart, strong and independent turned to complete mush all for a guy. They disappointed me not just as friends, but as fellow women. While we’re out here trying to get men to respect us and treat us as their equals, these chicks are undermining that to epic proportions.
It goes without saying that we all do crazy things for love (or supposed love). Some of us will even go so far as to change the way we act to grab the attention of some fool who probably doesn’t deserve all that effort. And while we think our actions happen in a vacuum, they most definitely don’t. I long for the days where I still had the tight-knit group of ride or die ladies that I loved so much, but am also grateful for their misguided quests for love. Without those failings I wouldn’t have been given a glimpse into how these women really were. As someone who prides herself by the company she keeps and values the strength and independence of her female brethren, if these ladies thought that a man was worth losing friendships for, then good riddance and girl bye.