Can You Stand To Loosen Up In Bed?

June 19, 2017  |  
5 of 15 couple lying in bed cuddling at home in the bedroom

Do you have a hunch that you don’t exactly bring it in the bedroom? If your sexual routine has become so repetitive that it’s almost an equation at this point—20 seconds of this foreplay, one minute of that, a few minutes in this position and everybody’s done—you could be right. You may not even be routine because you don’t want to try other things; you might just be insecure to try them! It’s a pretty common problem. A lot of women worry that their face might look weird in this position, that their thighs might jiggle too much when they do this, or that they’ll just be plain bad at the other thing. But honestly, the excitement over trying new things can override the attention to technicalities. So go for it. Could you stand to loosen up in bed?


You worry about your faces

You spend a lot of time during sex wondering what your face looks like, and trying to pose it so that you look aroused but still normal. Normal? NORMAL!? Come on. If you look normal then that will make your partner think he’s doing something wrong. You should look like you just smelled something atrocious but also are being tickled but also are about to sneeze. But correction: there’s no exact way you should look. Just let go.


In fact, you hide your face

You go so far as to only allow positions where he’s behind you, so that he can’t see your face. If you are facing him, you put a pillow over your face. If he’s behind you but there is a mirror in front of you, you relocate everybody.




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You monitor your lube use

Sure, lube is expensive and messy and takes a while to rinse off. But honey charge it to the game. If your partner sees you eyeing that lube bottle, making sure he doesn’t use too much or put his sticky hands on the bed frame, neither of you will have good sex. You’ll have plenty of lube left, but who cares—the sex sucked!




He keeps asking if you’re okay

Your partners often ask if you’re okay, if they should be doing something different, or if you want them to stop. It could be because you lie there rather lifeless, look like you’re staring at a wall and haven’t made a sound.





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You’re not even a little tired after

You have plenty of energy after sex. You could go for a run! You could climb a flight of stairs! If someone took your heart rate after sex, they’d think you were sleeping. Oh, and you’re not even the tiniest bit sweaty.





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You worry about your noises

You worry about being too noisy that you’ll bother the neighbors, or that the noises you make will be weird. Your partner isn’t even thinking about your noises; he’s having sex with you. Just let those noises out.





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You must have the lights off

You must have the lights off and the blackout curtains shut and the small glow from the laptop covered up. Your partner doesn’t even really know what you look like naked, and that was your master plan.






You’re concerned about your smell down there

You enjoy oral but you don’t let men go down on you because you’re concerned about how you taste and smell. Let’s not forget that as women, we put our partner’s entire genitals in our mouths. They certainly don’t forget that, and are probably happy to do a little licking in return.



You're Likely To Be Exoticized

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You study up before trying something

Before you even attempt a new position or act, you read five articles and watch a few YouTube tutorials about it. You cannot fathom the idea of trying something in bed unless you’re going to get it exactly right. But that takes a lot of the fun out of it.




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You need things mapped out

If your partner tries to maneuver you into a position, you cannot just go with the flow, and let him lead the way. You ask him exactly what he’s trying to do, where you should put your right hand, your left hand, your right knee, and your left knee. You also want to know at what angle your head should be. It really would just be easier if he drew you a map.



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You can’t orgasm from oral

You don’t allow yourself to orgasm from oral because you feel that it’s selfish—he’s not getting anything out of it. Does he worry about that when you go down on him? I highly doubt it.

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You won’t let him watch you

You can’t stand it when your partner watches you go down on him. You don’t want him to see you in that position, with your jaw open and locked like that. You tell him to look away. Or you just do it in a position where he can’t see your face.

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The words, “Can we try something?” scare you

When your partner asks if the two of you can try something, you instantly dry up down south and your blood runs cold. You’re certain this will somehow end in you making a weird noise or a strange face.




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You’ve never done it out of the bed

You’ve only had sex in bed. Oh, and everyone’s heads have stayed up by the headboard and their feet by the bottom of the bed. If it were up to you, you’d even have one bed for sex and one for sleeping.

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Your sheets stay in place

Nobody can even tell, by the looks of your bed, that you just had sex. Nobody can tell by the looks of your hair or the smudge of your makeup, or the pheromones oozing out of your skin.

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