I’m raising two daughters and understand how important it is to empower little girls to appreciate and love themselves. In encouraging them to become young women who truly love who they are and not rely on anyone else to complete their happiness, I’ve had to get creative. Such things as teaching them words of affirmation and providing examples of women who have come before them of whom to look up to come to mind.
I would hope that these things, in addition to others, would instill in my kids a sense of confidence so that when they go and deal with societal pressures as single women in the future, they don’t feel the need to rush out to find a man.
So, I am all for a woman owning her single status and not seeking to be completed by anyone else. However, some single women have been going above and beyond to solidify their solo journey by practicing sologamy, a term coined for someone going the self-marriage route.
I remember first hearing about this a few years ago when Yasmin Eleby, an almost 40-year-old single woman from my hometown of Houston, decided to have a wedding in which she would marry herself. The lavish event included 10 bridesmaids as well as her mother walking her down the aisle.
I had mixed reactions when I first heard about this. My thoughts ranged from, “Ok! Go ‘head sista and do you!” to “Wait, what did she do and why?” and “Did she register for anything?”
I kind of dismissed it as a one-off thing until I heard about another woman in England, Sophie Tanner, who recently married herself. According to SFgate.com, Tanner believes that sologamy is here to stay.
She said that this is a way to commit to yourself and teach people that being single is a good thing. “You can waste your life waiting for the one,” Tanner said, “when you are the one yourself.”
Her last statement baffles me. I do agree with her in that a woman shouldn’t sit around waiting for “the one,” but does she have to go all out and plan a huge event just to be an example to people who are single or people who worry about finding a spouse?
And then I have other questions. If a woman marries herself, will she be married until she finds someone she likes or even loves? If she ultimately gets married to someone else, will she be seen as a sell-out to those who attended her wedding and supported her choice of sologamy?
Clearly, Tanner isn’t the only person taking sologamy seriously. The website IMarriedMe.com caters to women who want to marry themselves. The site even includes an “I Married Me” kit as well as jewelry to represent a “symbolic ceremony–about reconnecting and staying connected with you.”
If I can be honest, I truly feel that a woman who chooses to marry herself is trying to prove that she doesn’t really need a partner but really wants one. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a significant other, but I don’t agree with chasing and moping about it, which is probably another reason some women have decided to have a ceremony. Why sulk when you can celebrate?
But despite my love of weddings, if I receive an invitation to a solo wedding, I’m going to have to pass. I will politely decline and send well-wishes instead. I’m all for people loving themselves and putting themselves first, but I don’t think you need an elaborate party to do that.