Earlier this week, there was a bit of talk about Usher. No, as far as I know he doesn’t have any new music coming out. No, he hasn’t split from wife and manager, Grace Miguel. Instead, people were talking about him because of video that was taken of him dancing with women in Las Vegas.
The videos were of the “No Limit” singer hosting a pool party in Las Vegas where there were quite a few women vying for his attention. One of those bikini-adorned women was a young woman named Alexis Skyy, the former flame of rapper Fetty Wap (remember him?) and new star of Love and Hip Hop Hollywood. At one point, she turned around and, as the young kids say, “twerked” on the 38-year-old father of two. But Usher handled the situation well, allowing her to dance with him but not get too close. And as further video was taken, you could see the singer standing as far away as he could from a group of women dropping it low in a circle, including former LHHH star Hazel E. (There was a liquid-pouring-on-the-booty moment that he could have avoided, but such is life…I guess.)
However, that didn’t stop everyone who shared the video and wrote about it from giving Usher the side-eye. Headlines read, “Usher Forgot He Was married Lets Alexis Skyy Twerk On Him At Vegas Pool Party,” and “Love And Hip Hop’s Alexis Skyy Was Caught…Rubbing Her Booty All Over R&B Singer Usher…And Usher Looks Real Excited!!!”
Now that’s petty. But it did create a conversation about what type of dancing and behavior is acceptable for married people. Granted, Usher is a performer at all times, so the restraint that was used in the situation, for someone like him, was pretty good. And I’m sure Grace Miguel is not somewhere chewing him out. This is a guy who has to play romantic with countless women in his music videos, dances on women on stage (and lets them dance on him) and is still considered a sex symbol. A little dancing likely means nothing. But for everyday Joe Schmoes, when is a little fun a little too much?
If you’re at a lounge, a party, or, say, a strip club, the likelihood of a dance that others might find risque is likely. Just last year I wrote an Is This Petty? about a friend’s male BFF who was chewed out by his fianceé at their joint bachelor/bachelorette outing at a strip club for getting a lapdance from a stripper. While he didn’t ask the woman to dance on him (the woman was instructed to dance for him, the groom-to-be, because a female party goer wasn’t interested in the dancer’s request to drop it low for her), he did allow her to dance on him. All hell broke loose after that.
But I’ve read about people who don’t like when their husband or wife dance with other people in general. This is even the case when they’re not at a function together. And dancing close, as in grinding? It’s a hell no for many. As one woman put it on a Wedding Bee forum, “I think I would vom if I saw my FI grinding with another woman and dancing in another very intimate/sexual way. I don’t even like to do that with him in public. I would have felt the same when we were ‘just’ dating as well.”
But there are people who say there is no need to be so uptight. For instance, in response to the Usher video, a man wrote this on YouTube in response to people’s comments about Usher’s dance with Skyy being inappropriate:
“I am happily married and when I go clubbing I get to dance with random girls and it doesn’t mean I’m cheating or disrespecting my woman. If that’s the case, every and anyone that’s married must not look at the opposite sex twice in admiration, hug the opposite sex, dance with the opposite sex, have the opposite sex as friend and the list goes on, because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re in jail. You can still have fun and a good time while you’re married and I don’t mean sticking your d–k in fanny. It’s 2017 grandma.”
I think it also depends on trust levels. I’ve watched my husband dance with another woman while we’ve been out together, and I’m sure he dances with other women while out with friends when I’m not around. But I trust and believe (because I don’t have the extra energy to worry) that that’s all it is — a quick dance. And I also trust and believe that he knows not to take things to an inappropriate level. That’s not even his style.
When I’m out with girlfriends, I prefer to dance by myself. But if a man comes up and wants to two-step with me (I don’t allow grinding), I don’t make a big deal out of it. At the end of the day, the person doing the dancing has to know what they’re there for. I go out with friends to dance. My husband goes out with friends to talk about politics, drink, and dance to a good Nigerian tune. Usher was at that pool party to entertain. The only people who need to understand that are the spouses, and when they really do, there’s no need to set rules about what you can and can’t do on the dance floor because you should already know how to conduct yourself. With that being said, dance on…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Is it petty to get upset about your spouse or significant other dancing with someone else, especially if it’s in a sexual manner?
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