Signs It’s Time To Separate
The decision to separate may be one of the hardest ones a couple ever has to make. Getting separated has legal implications that involve child custody, visitation rights, property division, and more. A separation also, of course, could be the beginning of a divorce. So getting separated is unlike ending any other type of relationship. No matter how many breakups you’ve been through, or “breaks” you’ve taken from partners, nothing quite prepares you for being separated from your spouse. That being said, a separation can be a valid option for individuals who do not wish to get a divorce (or are undecided on the matter) but do wish to live separately while working out financial, emotional or other issues. Since a divorce is so final, it makes sense some couples would want to start with a separation so they can think. Here are signs it’s time to separate.
Your partner has stopped participating in the marriage
Your partner doesn’t acknowledge he has a wife anymore. He doesn’t make time for you, he isn’t affectionate with you, he barely comes home, he will make travel plans without telling you and has generally begun to behave as if you do not exist.
A separation would improve your quality of life
You can genuinely say that your life would be better without this person than with this person. You even sense that relief would be on the other side of a separation.
The kids are the only things standing in the way
If the kids are the only things standing in your way then that means you’re already subjecting your children to living in an unhappy home. It’s better to separate and have them cope with the emotions that follow than make them live with parents who don’t want to be together.
Finances are the only things standing in your way
Consider this: would you rather get a second job, move to a smaller place and have your freedom again or maintain your luxurious lifestyle, but spend the rest of your life with the wrong person? It’s quite simple when you think about it like that.
Your partner has been diagnosed as a narcissist
This is a very difficult personality type to spend your life with and, unfortunately, the narcissist tendencies only get worse with age. Your partner could end up cheating on you, stealing money from you, and truly feeling no moral qualms about that.
He is abusing you
If you are being abused, whether that’s emotionally, physically or mentally, it is absolutely time to separate. It will likely be time to divorce soon, too.
You’re in love with somebody else
If you have already tried to make things work with your partner but just couldn’t, and now you’re in love with somebody else, you should separate. This will give you the space to see if those feelings for the other person are real, or just a manifestation of your rejection of your marriage.
You cannot trust him again
If your partner has cheated on you, he has tried everything to regain your trust but you know in your gut you will never trust him again, this marriage cannot go on. Neither of you can be happy like that.
You’re just worried about your reputation
If the only reason you aren’t separating is because you don’t want friends, family, colleagues and society to see you as “broken,” it’s time to separate. Plenty of people get separated, and anyone who judges you for trying to be happy is not someone whose opinion you should value much.
He doesn’t want to work on it
Your partner doesn’t want to work on it. He doesn’t want to talk about it, he will not acknowledge that there are issues, and he refuses to go to counseling. There is little you can do if only one of you wants to work on the marriage.
Counseling has failed
You’ve seen a counselor, but it didn’t help. In fact, your counselor has suggested that you separate. Even your priest/rabbi or other religious leader has suggested it.
You feel nothing about the separation
When you envision your life without this person, you feel nothing. You don’t feel panicked or sad. You don’t even really feel a sense of loss.
One or both parties have left before
You, your partner or both of you have left before. You’ve had several incidences of leaving for days or weeks at a time and living at a friend’s home.
You don’t like who you’ve become
You thoroughly dislike the person you are in this marriage. But in order for your partner to be happy, you have to be that person.
He needs you to compromise your values to be happy
Your partner needs you to compromise your values—maybe he asks you to cover up the fact he is embezzling money or he wants an open marriage—in order for him to be happy.