Why Black Boss Women (Still) Find It Hard To Find Equal Mates
It’s hard out here for professional Black women in many ways, especially when it comes to finding an equal mate. In fact, a study by the Social Mobility Memo of The Brookings Institution, found a large percentage of Black women with college degrees just don’t get married. Why? According to the article, “Single Black female BA seeks educated husband: Race, assortative mating and inequality,” published 2015, Black college educated women find it very difficult to find Black women with the same educational and professional background. Making it even more difficult, Black women are less likely to date outside of their race.
Essence dating columnists Kelli Fisher and Tana Gilmore, known as The Matchmaking Duo, recently addressed this issue on the latest episode of the magazine’s “Yes, Girl” podcast. Fisher and Gilmore quit their corporate careers to become professional matchmakers for Black women.
“What we’ve uncovered is women have taken the fast track,” the Duo explained to Essence. “They’ve gone from high school to college to graduate school or even onto medical school or law school and they have just taken the fast track through life and they look around all of a sudden at 35 or 40 and they don’t have a husband or any children because they’ve allowed their career to take over their lives.”
The problem is real as the dating pool for professional Black women is a lot smaller. “Black men are the second least likely to earn a college education, after Latino men,” reported Diversity. Just look at the stats: Only 49 percent of college-educated Black women will marry a well-educated man. But 84 percent of college-educated white women will find a “equal” partner. And a whopping 60 percent of Black college female graduates aged 25 to 35 have never married, versus just 38 percent of white college-educated women.
“If you think of it culturally, a lot of our parents and grandparents are like, ‘OK, get your education and worry about that later.’ And how many people have not heard that? You have to get yourself positioned and you’ll find someone else later and then later comes and you have the accolades and dating might not be as intentional. You’ll meet a great guy but say you know, I’m not focused on that and you’ll let a lot of good ones get away,” said the Duo.
And once you are in the mindset of being a “boss” woman, it’s hard to get outside of the mindset when you are in social settings. “Most ‘boss’ women do still want a man to lead sometimes, they add. The problem comes when women don’t know how to let their man take the lead and they don’t know how to appropriately voice that desire,” reported Essence.