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dudeoirI could never get into male strippers.  Maybe I’m more of a traditional girl or maybe there’s a part of me that thinks stereotypes aren’t always that bad, but I need my man with dirt under his fingernails, cussing at the football game with beer in his left hand and the remote in the other. Dancing around in little draws and popping his behind, no matter how muscular it may be does not make feel some type of way. Looking at a man flex his pelvis in some leather chaps dries my reproductive parts right on up, so I knew I wouldn’t be checking for the latest trend that is the “Dudeoir Photo”. But this spin on the popular “boudoir photo” may be meant to make you laugh more then lust.

Many would credit photographer Masika May with the “Dudeoir Photo” a trend that takes a man’s sense of humor and makes it sexy…literally. You’re probably familiar with its female counterpart the “boudoir photo” in which a woman takes pictures for her partner usually in sexy lingerie and suggestive poses that are meant to serve as sources for sexual inspiration when she may not be in the room. I actually think they’re pretty cheesy too actually. Mostly because I believe sex that’s natural and not forced or contrived is the sexiest.

What’s funny about May’s photos is how much they highlight the clichéd and ridiculous sexual standards that are often placed on women. The photos feature men with hairy beer bellies pouring buckets of soapy water over them ”bikini car wash” style or bending over an office desk in tighty whities like a warped naughty secretary porn scene. Most days my husband can find me in a headscarf and my furry Fenty slides scrubbing washable marker from our toddler’s palms. So the idea of him resorting to photo of me in something black and sheer sucking on an ice cube is such a departure from what our sex life realistically looks like. While the “Dudeoir Photo” serves as a reminder that we may be doing the most when it comes to what our expectations of sex look like in a long term relationship, it also shows us that headscarves and tighty whities can be sexy too. Because just because your bedroom may not look like a scene from 50 Shades doesn’t mean you and your partner aren’t getting it on and poppin’.

A piece on SheKnows highlighting May’s work also points out that the “Dudeoir Photo” reminds us that we don’t have to always take sex so seriously:

“It also provides an opportunity to have a good laugh at your own expense. Humor has an important function in marriage, and there’s even science that points to couples who can have a good laugh at themselves having a better shot at longevity than their sourpuss counterparts.”

“Boudoir and Dudeoir both come down to sex and sexuality eventually — wanting it, sharing it, alluding to it or finding empowerment in it. But even if you do think sex is sacred, you have to admit that it’s also freaking hilarious. The sounds, the weird things you say in the heat of the moment, the struggle to get your socks off… and yes, even the come-hither eyes.”

When you put it that way, I have to admit that the times I think my husband is sexiest is not when he’s glistening straight from the shower or any other Trey Songz video inspired moments. But I love to see him handle business whether he’s troubleshooting for his customers or talking numbers with his marketing manager. I love to see him take care of his parents, like the time he trapped a squirrel that was living in their ceiling a whole summer and nearly drove them insane.  I love to see him unbraiding our daughter’s hair because he knows I have to write for a website and I won’t have time. When it comes to relationships that sweaty six-pack and the way he bites his bottom lip when he’s flirting may be what make your head turn and get you hot and bothered at first but in the long-term what you really want is someone who makes you laugh and someone who can make a meaningful moment out of a menial task.

If me and my husband want a good laugh, we’ll pass on the “Dudeoir Photo” and just watch all nine seasons of The Office for the 37th times, but if you want to take a look and have a good laugh you can check out May’s work here.

Image via Instagram

Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a  passion for helping  young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health.  She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.


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