It is wonderful that you have found this love with someone, but unfortunately it has brought you to a cross roads in your life. You have a responsibility to your child to make sure that whom ever you choose to be with will also be a wonderful father, and will be someone who is ready to take on the role of dad. You have a responsibility to yourself and your child to ﬁnish school so that you can be ﬁnancially independent, and be able to give your child all the necessities of life. In every choice, your child and yourself must be the priority, and exploring how your choices will affect your child is most important. You have some serious decisions to make, and they will not be easy.
It sounds like you have a good relationship, but whether it will stand up to the trials of lasting love and children is still to be determined. The two of you have been existing in a bubble at school, which is why the natural pressures of life did not interfere and the relationship was able to blossom unencumbered. It seems that with distance and the trials of life (no job, no school, etc.) the relationship has been tested and it has not stood up well. Is he ready to take on the responsibilities of being a dad, and supporting a family? Does he have a job now, and is he willing to help support you? How will your relationship be affected by a third ‘little’ person, who will need the majority of your time and attention? What kind of father will he be to your child, and can you balance being a mother, a student, having a job, and still have the time to fulﬁll your role as girlfriend? All of these questions and more need to be addressed before making any decisions.
The age issue is also an important factor. It does not matter that he is 5 years younger than you, but it does matter that he is 20 years old. As humans, our emotional identities don’t develop fully until we are 24. He will be growing and changing in the next four years, and who he is and what he wants now, will be very different 4 years from now. Can you afford to put your child in an uncertain or unstable situation?
The most important thing for you right now is to ﬁnish school. The sooner you get a degree, the sooner you can start on a career path, and be able to take care of yourself and your family. There are many options for schools that will not take you away from home. Explore extension programs (i.e. Harvard Extension), and online universities that will allow you to study and still be with your child.
Now is the time to focus on ﬁnishing school, ﬁnding a job, and being the best mother you can be. There will be time to ﬁnd a great love who is ready to be a father to your child and a husband to you, and until that time comes, you must put your child and yourself ﬁrst.
Luv Coach Brody
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Rebecca Brody is a certified life empowerment coach with an expertise in love and relationships. She currently has a private practice in New York city and works with clients across the USA. Send questions to The Luv Coach on Madame Noire to firstname.lastname@example.org. For more musing from The Luv Coach go to www.TheLuvCoach.com.