The Reality Of Breaking Up With Somebody You Live With
If I can give you a piece of advice, avoid living with someone unless you’re absolutely sure you’ll spend your life with them. And even then, wait another year. Why? Because breaking up with someone you live with suuuucks. Think about your past breakups, from people with whom you did not live. You probably spent a lot of time—you guessed it—at home. You wallowed, invited friends over to drink and console you, watched sad movies, played every love song known to man, and spent a lot of time in your robe, on the phone with your mom. Now imagine trying to do that while moving (a major pain in the butt under the best of circumstances) and while the ex over whom you’re doing all of this wallowing is right in the other room. Here are the realities of breaking up with somebody you live with.
You’ll consider staying
First and foremost, the second the logistics of moving out become complicated, you’ll consider just staying with the person. We’ve all been there—paying for Uhauls, lifting boxes… and apartment hunting is almost worse than being in the wrong relationship.
You’ll probably have sex again
Um, hello. You probably have a few exes who you drove miles to just to have breakup sex. And you had all that time in the car to turn back but you still went through with it. Imagine how easy it will be to have breakup sex when the person is in the other room.
Your friends will come over and it’ll be awkward
They may finally tell your ex all of the nasty things they’ve thought of him all along. At the very least, they won’t know what to say to him or how to look him in the eye since he is the cause of all of your pain right now.
You’ll fight over the place
If you found the place together, then one of you will argue that it’s closer to their work and the other will argue that they were the one who technically found the listing.
You’ll have to split up practical things
Over the years you probably went half on several large purchases, thinking you’d never break up. So who is taking the couch? The television? The bed??
You’ll have to split up sentimental things
It gets worse; who is taking the photo montage you made, full of pictures of the two of you being affectionate? Neither of you wants it, but you both feel like jerks saying you don’t want it.
His parents will come over, and it’ll be awkward
Parents are always there when you need help moving, and during a breakup is no exception. So his parents will come over, and they’ll naturally want to help you pack things too, which will put both you and your ex in an awkward position. Technically, they’re on his team now.
You’ll be hateful roommates for a while
You still need to live your lives until one or both of you find new places to live. For a few days, you’ll just walk around the place like zombies, getting ready for work, bumping into each other in the kitchen and waiting for the bathroom. It’ll be weird.
You’ll grow to hate your apartment
What used to be a place filled with love has become a graveyard of hopes, dreams, plans for the future and joy. It’ll be as if somebody turned your reality into a black and white movie with doomsday music.
You may fall into old habits
One of your last few nights in the place together you may end up watching your favorite show together and making dinner together. It’s like muscle memory, but it will weird you out.
Somebody will get drunk
One of you will go out and get wasted with your friends to deal with the breakup, and go back to the apartment you’re both still stuck in, and pick a fight—or just start bawling.
The new prospects will pop up…
You both might catch a hint of other people beginning to hit on you, now that you’re single. He’ll see a text from some guy named Jason on your phone; you’ll notice he’s staying out later than usual and, oh, it’s with that female co-worker you always thought liked him.
If you ended it, you have to be patient
Your ex didn’t ask to blow up his entire living situation. You were the one unhappy with the relationship and so, technically, you’re the reason everybody is packing boxes now. For that reason, you can’t exactly rush your ex to find a new place ten minutes ago.
If he ended it, you need all the help you can get
If you didn’t see this coming, you need your troops over stat. You may need to stay at a friend’s house and send your friends and family to go pick up your things. You may need complete removal from the ex to heal.
If there is a dog…
Oh no. This is the worst. You’re both equally attached to the dog, and now you either need to decide who keeps him or set up a shared custody thing. And the shared custody thing won’t be easy on any new people you date. How would you like it if your boyfriend met up with his ex once a week for a doggy playdate?
The neighbors will have questions
On actual move-out day, your innocent, naïve neighbors will approach you, asking if you found a better place to move into together. You’ll have to explain to each one that you broke up, and they won’t know what to say.
You may need to break your lease
You may need to break your lease and explain to your landlord it’s because you broke up. He’ll feel bad for you, but also, he’ll be a bit annoyed since you probably just cost him a few months of income.
You probably won’t love your next place
Even if you don’t rush the process of finding a new place, you certainly won’t have the luxury of taking several months to do so, as you would under normal circumstances. You’ll be forced to move into some less-than-lovable place, just to get out of your old one.
You can’t get rid of each other
You keep getting his mail or he keeps getting yours. The landlord asks him a question about leaky pipes at the old place that only you know the answer to, so the ex has to call you. You’ll still be bound together for a couple of months.
Wherever you live next, you’re that heartbroken roommate
Having to explain to potential roommates that you need a new place because you broke up with your live-in boyfriend is no walk in the park. Some people don’t even want a roommate going through a breakup, for fear that they’ll get back with their ex, and leave them with the full rent.