Some couples are lucky enough to be proud jet setters. Like Ludacris and Eudoxie, Kevin Hart and Eniko, these kinds of couples take the time to make the time to see the world together and go on holiday. I would love that. But I’m not part of that type of couple.
In the years that I’ve been with my significant other, who is now my husband, I’ve traveled to Paris, London, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, the Bahamas, Greece, and all around the continental United States (shout out to Los Angeles, San Francisco, Napa County, New Orleans, D.C., Las Vegas, Kansas City and Chi-Town). As for him, on his own, he’s only traveled around New York City in that time. Together though, we’ve gone to Miami, Barbados, the Poconos Mountains and Paris for different anniversary celebrations, but that’s usually been at my persistent request. (Note: Paris, my third trip, his first, was for our honeymoon.)
He’s just never been the traveling type. In fact, he told me that when I asked him why he doesn’t want to get out more with me. In his mind, setting aside time every year to go somewhere is not his thing. He believes that money could be better spent elsewhere. In my case, it’s a necessity for mental stability.
Knowing my love of exploration, I told myself that I would still try and see the world, with or without him. I didn’t think that sounded like me being disrespectful in any way to my marriage, but rather, being true to who I was before I said “I do” and who I still am. I still want to travel with my sisters and take a girls’ trip with my best friends. Within reason, of course. He knows that and isn’t crazy about the idea, but gets it. However, when I tell people that, I’m often hit with a “Well, did you ask your husband first?” or “Well, you know you can’t think only of yourself anymore.” So, as of late, I’ve been self-conscious about my travel bug. Especially since my husband is of the mind that we really should do things as a team now.
For example, last year, at the behest of friends, I asked him, them my fiancé, if he was okay with me going home to visit my family in Chicago for a few weeks ahead of Christmas. I’ve done this since I moved to New York in 2011. He was planning to come too (strictly for the holiday, though), so he was just fine with the idea.
But this time around, as we approach Christmas in a few weeks, my plans are still up in the air. While I told my sister and my parents that we would likely come home for the holidays when I was home for our wedding in October, during a recent conversation with my husband, he said it may not be a good idea this year.
“We were just there in October” he said. “I think it’s best if maybe we save money and go next Christmas.”
While I could understand where he was coming from, next Christmas sounded like an eternity from now. So I tried Plan B.
“Can I just go by myself?”
He looked at me, a little offended, as he had visited Chicago with me the last two Christmas holidays. Now that we were married, I guess the idea of me being so eager to go without him made him feel bad. His response was something to the effect of, “You do know you’re married now?” It was his way of saying that while my parents and siblings at home are my family, he and I are now our own family. He felt like us spending our first Christmas together as that family in New York City would suffice. (Note part II: my in-laws live here.)
To me, it sounded like torture. (Another note: Spending the holiday with him and his family isn’t “torture,” but rather, the idea of not spending the holidays in my old stomping grounds as it had become a tradition for me over the years.)
I’m hoping that with a nice Christmas tree in our new apartment and some colorful lights, I can get into the spirit — even if I’m not “home” home. But at the same time, I find myself checking Southwest every other day for flight deals just in case I can find a deal and can convince him to get on board. No pun intended.
The consensus among some of the people I’ve talked to is that you should follow your newfound family, as in, go where the husband goes. But why can’t it be the other way around?
What say you? Is it petty to try and travel without your spouse?
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