Signs You Have Intimacy Issues

November 29, 2016  |  
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The only way to have a truly close and bonded relationship is to be totally open about who you are and be completely willing to let someone know how strongly you feel about them. This, however, can be terrifying for some people. For some reasons, people might be terrified of letting their partner know—let alone admitting to themselves—that the relationship means a tremendous deal to them. Many individuals also haven’t come to terms with certain insecurities or flaws in themselves, and so they are unwilling to share those traits with another person, which makes it impossible to get close. If you have intimacy issues, then most relationships are headed towards a dead end until you fix them. Here are signs you have intimacy issues.

Corbis

Corbis

You feel angry after sharing

After telling your partner something personal about yourself, you feel frustrated, irritated and angry. That’s because part of you feels that you “lost” some game by revealing that information.

 

 

 

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Shutterstock

How to combat it

This can be hard to wrap your head around, but once you do, it’s a very liberating concept; anybody who doesn’t accept everything about is not someone you’re meant to be with. You can look at sharing information about yourself as a filtering process; it will remove the riff raff and show who is meant to be in your life.

 

 

 

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

You can’t have climax

The moment we orgasm is arguably our most vulnerable moment. We’re letting another person be in charge of making us feel one of the best ways we can feel. For that reason, people with intimacy issues often hold themselves back from orgasming with a partner.

 

 

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

How to combat it

It will be pretty difficult for you to allow yourself to physically bond with someone—which is what happens when you climax—if you’re uncomfortable emotionally bonding. So until you can tackle the root of your intimacy issues, you may not be able to orgasm.

don't judge challenge

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You’re critical of your partners

Do you find yourself making a lot of sarcastic comments about your partners? Maybe a lot of them have mentioned things about how critical you are. In general, if you see some flaw in a partner, you say something. This is your way of distancing yourself when you feel you’re getting close.

 

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

How to combat it

You will likely have to be very mindful of this—it’s probably a knee-jerk reaction at this point. But before saying anything to your partner, ask yourself, “Is this productive? Is this helpful? Is this loving?” If it isn’t all of those, don’t say it.

 

 

 

 

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Shutterstock

Expressing your feelings makes you feel sick

Saying things like “You mean a lot to me” or “I’m so lucky I found you” makes you feel sick. In fact, you can’t really say those words. It’s almost as if they’re a foreign language. You can’t say them because you feel you give away a bit of your power by doing so.

 

 

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

How to combat it

Throw out the notion that power has any place in a relationship. It doesn’t. Don’t think about what you lose when you give a compliment or express your feelings; think about what a great gift you are giving to someone you care about. Again, if someone doesn’t return the sentiment, then you just did yourself a favor; you found out sooner rather than later because you spoke up.

 

White Lies Everyone Tells

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You never say when you’re disappointed

If your partner cancels on you at the last minute or chooses one activity over coming with you to something that matters to you, you never speak up. You always say it’s perfectly fine—it’s no big deal. You never want to show all of your cards and let them know that they have the power to disappoint you.

 

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

How to combat it

What did we say about that concept of power? It has no place in true love! You should, in fact, let your partner know when he disappoints you. It’s a way of reminding him that this relationship is valuable and has to be treated with care. If he cares, he will fix it.

 

 

 

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

You regret a lot of breakups

When you look back on a lot of the men with whom you’ve broken up, you feel some sadness and some unfinished business. You can’t say with confidence that ending it was a good idea. That’s probably because you pushed them away when you felt you were getting too close.

 

 

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

How to combat it

It won’t be easy, but if you like someone, you could try explaining to them you need to take things slow. You could even tell them you have some intimacy issues, but you want to work on them. It’s better than just disappearing out of the blue because you’re too proud to communicate.

 

 

 

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

You date men with intimacy issues

This is a glaringly obvious sign of it, but it can be hard to spot when you have your own intimacy issues. If you’re afraid to get close to someone, then a good way to avoid it is by dating people who don’t want to be close to you, either.

 

 

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

How to combat it

Stop running away the second a guy simply tells you he likes you or could see this going somewhere. Don’t be so quick to assume that means he’s needy or wants to rush things. You’d be surprised; plenty of men can say that and take things slowly.

 

 

 

Jealous women/business co-workers/friends

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You aren’t happy for your happy friends

You don’t feel a genuine sense of happiness for your friends who are in intimate relationships. When they talk about how in love they are, you have no reaction. This is because if you did have a reaction, it would be like admitting you wanted that too.

 

 

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

How to combat it

Take a cue from your friends; if they’re able to have intimate relationships and somehow, the earth doesn’t fall out from under them or implode, you probably can, too.

 

 

 

 

 

"sex pf"

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You skip to sex a lot

For some women, sleeping with a man quickly is a way of ensuring that that relationship never turns into a relationship. They’re afraid by the fact they could really like a guy, so to surpass it, they just treat him like a sexual object.

 

 

 

 

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

How to combat it

There’s nothing wrong with sleeping with someone soon unless you do it as a defense mechanism to forego an emotional connection. If you feel a sudden strong urge to sleep with a guy (that usually comes right after realizing you could really like him), hold back.

 

 

 

 

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Your issues go beyond your dating life

You don’t ever tell your friends or family how much they mean to you. You say, “You too” when your mom tells you she loves you. You don’t tell your friends or family when you need a shoulder to cry on.

 

 

 

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

How to combat it

Nurturing your non-romantic relationships can be a great start at finding a close romantic one. When your brain starts to understand how rewarding it can be to be emotionally open with friends and family, it may open up to the idea of being that way with a partner.

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