#RelationshipGoals: You Can’t Change A Man

December 19, 2016  |  

Continued from #RelationshipGoals: The Answer to my Prayers?


If I was learning anything from Langston, it was that I absolutely needed to open my mind. It’s not that his conversations left me dizzy in the dust or anything like that. He’s literally opening my mind to what I think a relationship is supposed to look like.

One of my most basic requests is that I live in the same city as the object of my affection, and here I was interested in Langston and he lived in New Orleans and I’m in New York City, long distance teasing our bond with every missed call. But it was my mentor (who lived in a different city than her now-husband when they were dating) who told me to consider casting my net wider than throwing distance. And because I travel often for work, I’ve opened my eyes to the possibility of long-distance love, going against my most basic standard.

But there was one major problem with whatever it was that Langston and I were doing–I wasn’t 100% sure the feelings are mutual. When it comes to ambiguous attraction, I’ve been there, done that, got the T-shirt and cut it up into an adorable design. I didn’t want to find myself in that situation again, so I did what any sensible woman would do, I asked…in very passive aggressive ways.

I texted Langston, “Hey you.” It was 11 pm, and with those two words, I assumed I was setting up a late night flirting session.

“Hey sweetheart. What’s up?” Langston replied almost immediately.

My response had to push the flirtation forward without being too forward. “Thinking about you.”

“Well lucky you,” Langston replied.

I was typing, “Oh hush!” when he called me.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hey, pretty lady.”

“You always call when we’re in the middle of texting. Why is that?” I asked. I was hoping that Langston would continue flirting with me and that his response would make me blush.

Instead, he said, “I don’t like texting.”

We chatted and giggled like we always did and at one point there was a bit of silence. Langston broke it by asking, “You like me, don’t you?”

I wasn’t sure what to do. I felt like a deer in headlights, but I also felt like we were finally going to move this “thing” of ours to a new level. So I replied honestly, “I do. And you like me back?”

There was another pause. This one felt like a lifetime.

“I gotta go Danielle. I’ll call you later,” Langston said quickly and hung up before I could even say anything back.

I was humiliated and upset. This wasn’t rocket science. Langston and I had a chemistry that was undeniable. But here he was avoiding it.

I was crystal clear on Langston’s devotion to his new born-again lifestyle. And even though, at first, I rolled my eyes back to the white meat over the fact that he and I weren’t going to be intimate anytime soon, I was still taken with Langston. And I hoped that his celibacy would allow us to get to know each other on a deeper level. I did, however, hold on to hope that I would eventually wear him down and make him break his own rules.

I could hear my mom’s voice in my head, “You can’t change a man baby.” Langston changed. He went from ho to holy. But that wasn’t anyone else’s doing, it was his.

Enough days of silence had gone by, so I reached out to Langston, “I don’t want you to think I am trying to get in between you and God. It’s actually your relationship with Him that makes me want to be a part of your life. So yeah, I like you. But that doesn’t mean I am going to wreck what good you’re bringing into your life. I want to add to the good.” I hit send before I had the time to delete or close my phone like none of it ever wanted to come out of my fingertips. And then I waited.

What do you think Langston’s response was? Come back for next week’s column to find out!




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