The Ides of October mean that not only is the weather getting cooler but wedding season is slowly coming to a close. Between the months of April and November, many of us have celebrated a marriage in some capacity. We have traveled, sent gifts, been bridesmaids or groomsmen, officiated,
objected, or just clicked like and said congrats to associates on social media.
I have come to one conclusion after 2016’s wedding season of broom-jumping: weddings weird me out.
Let me start off by saying that I absolutely love weddings. I am more than happy seeing my friends profess and pledge their love before God, family, and look amazing doing so. It is a beautiful sentiment and testament that love conquers all. Also, it’s endearing to see men and women–especially women–retire their “player” jerseys (note: most of the players I know are women).
Most of my close friends have eloped within the past five years. We’re in our early thirties, so that’s about right. The more weddings I attend, the more I become “the single guy.” I am often attending these ceremonies by myself because I am not
taking someone seriously enough seeing someone seriously enough to be my plus one. Also, it can get weird if you’re always with a different person at various weddings. I’m usually relegated to the table with a whole bunch of people I don’t know. That table is usually the single section for all of the other unmarried or the dates of the wedding party, with an unconscious undercurrent of these arrangements thinking two of these people should find happiness or something.
I’m a very laid-back person and can admit with humility that I look great in a suit. I’m not trying to get all sweaty dancing with people I don’t know and no one I’d consider a prospect. Someone who is married will give me the nudge like, “Hey, single man…there’s a bunch of single women here! What you doing?!”
The answer is: “Being smart.”
Emotions at weddings are equivalent to a runner’s high. Singles congratulating someone they care for on the beginning of their happily ever after creates a euphoric feeling that when mixed with alcohol…well, you know what happens. Approximately two years after that wedding will be a baby shower with many of these same people attending, and it can get a little awkward being in the vicinity with that wedding hookup you never called back (In that person’s defense, they got drunk, put your number in their phone, and it got lost in the shuffle).
I have lived all of the vows one takes on their wedding day (Note: “For richer” being tax season). I’m well aware of how things will be between the bride and groom after that day. There will be many arguments. As complicated as people think dating is, dating is child’s play in comparison. It gets really real because dating is primarily rooted, and begins, in being selfish. That changes and most of one’s focus is on servitude with self being secondary – and tertiary when they have children.
Also, the law of average says that nearly half of these weddings I am attending or observing from a distance will end in divorce. What’s harder is that you don’t know who is going to be who. It could be something I find out online or my man and his high school sweetheart in which as someone who is widowed is the only person who understands. Some may think this mindset is cynical. I disagree. I’m being realistic and like to be prepared for any and everything.
I think weddings weird me out because it is a confirmation that I have no idea what the future holds. Boy, can I attest to how one pictures life and how it actually turns up can be as different as night and day… and that in itself is a beautiful thing. For one day, everything is perfect. There is still plenty of living to do and things to experience. More than likely, there will be a day that I meet someone who I will want to tell I love in front of our friends and family and get my tux sweaty for.
…I have a daughter who will be wearing that all white dress and I’ll be there to walk with her through the surreal moment.