Donald Trump’s “P*ssy” Comments & Why He’s Not The Only One Who Needs To Do Better

October 10, 2016  |  

This weekend, it would have been impossible for you to miss the news of Donald Trump’s latest shenanigan. Even if you had, you might have heard the phrase, “Grab them by the p*ssy” more than once over the weekend. And in case you have not, allow me to set the scene.  In 2005, Donald Trump was with Billy Bush, who was hosting “Access Hollywood” at the time. The two are pulling into a parking lot on the set of Days Of Our Lives. Donald and Billy were going to be participating in an interview, so they were both mic-ed. And despite this fact, the two still spoke as if they were in a private home.

Though he was married at the time, he spoke to Billy, in great detail, about his attraction to women and how he approaches them.

“I moved on her like a b*tch, but I couldn’t get there. And she was married.” 

“I did try and f*ck her. She was married.” 

“Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the p*ssy. You can do anything.” 

Never would you imagine that you would need to use so many asterisks to quote a candidate for the highest office in the land, but here we are.

Unlike the three dozen Republicans who withdrew their support from Trump in light of his comments,  I was not surprised by his words. After all, I was shocked, appalled and disgusted when he said Mexicans are rapists. Or when he implied that the Muslim mother of a fallen U.S. soldier had been forbidden from speaking at the Democratic National Convention. Or when he suggested that we ban all Muslim immigration into this country. Or when he suggested that because of the election of Barack Obama, who he personally and consistently tried to disparage, that racism was over. He encouraged his supporters to physically attack the Black Lives Matter supporters who attended his campaign rallies and then suggested that the FBI investigate them. Which is an identical strategy to the one J. Edgar Hoover implemented, the one that got so many people killed by the government. From the time he announced that he was running for President of the United States, he’s been doing entirely too much.

So his comments, though vile and repugnant, are what I’ve come to expect from Donald Trump. I’m not outraged. What I am more concerned about are the everyday men who have conversations just like him, without the microphone documenting their misogyny for the world to hear. This type of dialogue about what you’re going to do to a woman, without waiting, without asking for permission, just grabbing a woman is to make light of sexual assault and not just make light of it but to normalize it as well. The more men are exposed to these types of jokes, the more acceptable this behavior appears. And with the prevalence of rape and sexual assault in this country and every where else in the world, it’s not something we can afford.

Shortly after the video was released, Charlemagne tha god tweeted:

If you follow Charlemagne’s thread of tweets, you’ll see that there were quite a few of his followers who were trying to insinuate that since Charlemagne isn’t running for president, his comments about women are fair game. Thankfully, he saw the response for what it was, an excuse to keep speaking about women in objectifying terms. For someone who has a very sordid, well-documented history in the ways he’s spoken to and about women, I was very happy to see this type of discussion spurred by someone like Charlemagne. And I hope he sticks to his commitment.

Still, it’s not enough to stop the behavior yourself. It’s time that men call each other out on it. After all, Billy Bush didn’t say much in the incriminating video; but it was his laughing, his encouragement and his cosigning that go this conversation that got him suspended from ABC. Him standing idly by, as Trump belittled that woman to her vagina, made it seem like he was in support of that behavior and perhaps might have behaved similarly if he were as much a star as Donald Trump. Far too many times, men don’t check each other because they feel like it’s not their business or not their place. Too many men believe their duty to women stops after they’ve defended and protected their mother, sisters, daughters, nieces and aunties. But that’s not respecting women, that’s family loyalty.

Donald Trump is a stain, an embarrassment to the nation but if there’s anything positive that can come from his run for presidency, I hope a change in the way men speak and act towards women is one of them.

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days.” You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter @VDubShrug.

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