Five Things I’ve Learned From Heartbreak

October 10, 2016  |  

Heartbreak is arguably one of the worst feelings one can experience. After the emotional turbulence, I reflect on how I ended up alone again after having such high hopes. Did I ignore any red flags? Was I too eager? After being ditched one too many times I had to take a deep look at myself and ask, “Am I causing this?” I’m not saying the men who have devastated me are innocent, but I have realized that I have bad habits that continuously lead me to checking in to heartbreak hotel. Being heartbroken can be crippling, but it can also be enlightening. Here are five things I have learned when I was let down while looking for love.

Don’t fall in love with potential

The person you first meet will not be the person you fall in love with. Underneath the charm, good looks and exciting conversation there could be a creep. After getting my heart crushed too many times I’ve learned to take things day by day when dating because you never truly know who you are dealing with in the beginning. I would notice signs that I was dealing with a douche but I wanted to still give him a chance because of the redeeming qualities and well, the potential. Potential isn’t all that telling when it comes to a person’s level of integrity and character.

The importance of closure

The last guy that broke my heart left me hanging. No goodbye, no reason, nothing. Not knowing why the person I spoke to everyday disappeared on me put me on an emotional rollercoaster. I wondered if something happened to him, if I did something hurtful and was not aware or if I had just gotten played yet again. I didn’t want to believe the latter, because why would he hurt me after I told him what I been through? After I contacted him from another number two months later, I finally got my answer, and also gave him an earful about the added emotional damage he caused. Having that closure helped me know to move on. I let go of the false hope that maybe he would re-emerge and we could start over. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear but it was what I needed.

Have no expectations

When you’re falling for someone you assume they’re falling for you too. That’s where the expectations kick-in. Expecting good morning texts, phone calls and dates every weekend got me in trouble and brought on loads of disappointment. That man doesn’t have to text you or even take you out. He’s not obligated to. Your communication with him does not have to be daily. People have lives, but people make time for what they want, especially men. If things are not official, then don’t expect anything from him.

Take It Slow

Having a strong connection with a potential beau can be exciting and lead to moving too fast. I sure did. No man can deny that I was caring and sweet, but now I know that I was giving men attention and time that they didn’t ask for or want. I was all in when they were still deciding whether they were taking me seriously. Now I know not to commit myself to a man until he asks for that commitment.

Let the man take charge

If that man wants you, he will pursue you. Looking too eager or dominating the courtship can push a man away. I would often initiate dates or even call when I wasn’t being called at all. Things cannot be one sided. Now I know to sit back and let the man show me that he wants to be around.

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