Dating With Kids: Put Them First Will Everything Else Fall Into Place?
If it’s been awhile since you and your kids’ dad broke up, you may finally be ready to date around a bit, even though it was such a foreign concept at first. The thing is: once you’ve been with any one person for an extended amount of time, it’s tough to imagine vegging out on the couch with anyone else. Or hitting the movies with another guy. Still, that relationship is done and there are men that are interested in you, gorgeous — the same ones that you’ve been turning down while nursing a broken heart.
First off, and we know this isn’t something you need to be told, but be sure to be completely honest about your children. Of course, you don’t want to introduce them yet, not before finding out whether or not this dude is a complete loser (or winner!). But if you want to start dating with kids, the guy has to be fine with the fact that you answer to the needs of your children first and foremost. As a matter of fact, that’s the quickest way to weed the selfish ones out. Once you exchange numbers and start talking pretty regularly, he should be asking about your kids on occasion. Not specifically in detail, but if you’ve mentioned that the little one is in soccer, he could ask about their season’s record here and there. Or a simple ‘Hey, how are they doing?’ every once in a while will suffice. But if they don’t ask about the kids at all? And are only concerned about the next time you’re available to swing by? Cut ’em off — quick.
By the way, dating — like, actually being taken out — is at an all-time low. Or if you are being taken out, many times, the assumption is that men will receive their ROI (‘return on investment,’ as spelled out to me by a couple male friends) that evening after dinner. If you’re comfortable enough with the guy, who are we to judge? But if you’re not at all cool with that unspoken arrangement, make it plain to your date and go straight home after doing so.
Some guys, particularly the ones that are well-off, have a way of expecting exactly what they want at all times. These same ones tend to be the most outlandish with their requests which actually come off moreso like demands. They don’t like to be challenged but view every potential challenge as something money can thrown at. Think about it: you know the man that may be having a customer service issue and obnoxiously reminds the staff that he spends ‘a lot of money’ with the company. That guy.
These wealthy ones are a dangerous bunch, especially if they seem to take an interest in your kids and don’t mind buying gifts. Still, unless he’s willing to give emotionally — if that’s what you’re looking for, anyway — you may have to drop this guy. No one likes to be bought and after a while it’ll get old. Plus, you don’t want the little ones to think that ‘new things’ make a relationship.
There are a million jerk types to look out for, but once in a blue moon, there’s one that will make the room disappear. He’ll touch your hand on a walk and your heart will flutter like a high-schooler. He’s not fearful of the fact that you have children. You guys share interests and opinions. You talk all the time. Things may seem perfect but be careful not to rush into anything — not even with him. Protect your heart and your children’s — keep past situations –learning lessons–in mind, but be sure to enjoy the present too.