Why I’m Terrified Of Giving Birth For The Second Time
I am about 10 days shy of my due date. While the hot weather, lower back pain and sharp jabs from the inside make me want to meet my little blessing sooner rather than later, the anxiety of going through labor for a second time keeps those feelings at bay. But it’s not really about the pain. The natural birth of my first child wasn’t the worst thing ever, so my current anxiety doesn’t come from my initial labor. Despite this not being my first rodeo, to be honest, I somehow feel unprepared to go through it all over again.
I always wanted to have a natural birth and upon getting pregnant the first time, so I did a lot of research on the topic. In preparation for labor (at first I was just worried about the pain), I started surfing the web for efficient ways to successfully accomplish a natural birth. I watched multiple educational videos, as well as actual videos of women giving birth. I also attended prenatal yoga classes and talked to close friends about the pain of contractions, and asked multiple questions about each stage of labor, including how a human head can come through my vagina and not kill me.
Once the labor pains were accurately described – an ascension of pain very similar to a Charley horse at its peak, but in the area of your stomach and/or back – I figured that I had a good idea of the pain and how I could handle it.
Although pregnancy and labor is different for each woman, I believed that I had my mind right and was ready. We had a bag packed and car seat installed a good month in advance of the due date. All of our questions were answered and I felt at ease with moving forward with giving birth (with the help of midwives). Besides the frequent vomiting and the three false alarm trips to the hospital, my labor went as planned.
But for some reason, the second time around has already been drastically different.
The trepidation about giving birth started with the lack of attention that I was giving this pregnancy. My first born was 10 months when I found out that I was pregnant again. I’ve been running behind a toddler and looking for preschools while trying to ensure that I create alone time with my daughter who will soon hold the title of big sister.
There has also been the worry of figuring out who would be able to watch my daughter when I go into labor. Not to mention that we just moved to a new state and although we know people here, our resources are limited if I go into labor in the wee hours of the morning. Luckily, my mom JUST arrived to help out, so that is no longer a concern.
And maybe it’s the fear of the known and my consciousness of how intense labor can be. All in all, I don’t feel nearly as prepared as I was the first go-round. Of course, the hubby and I don’t have to attend another natural birthing class, but the breathing techniques taught in those necessary classes seem like a distant memory.
As far as the bag goes, we just threw a few items together and we’re hoping we don’t need anything else.
And although I’ve heard that the second childbirth normally goes by faster, I’m somewhat concerned that I might not make it to my delivery destination in time. Heaven forbid I make headlines like the woman who gave birth in a car on the side of the road or have the kid at home in a spontaneous bathroom delivery like Teyana Taylor (FYI: I would have loved a home birth but that’s not my plan nor my husband’s preference).
You see, I have a number of small worries here and there, but quite honestly, there’s no reasonable explanation as to why I feel so apprehensive about giving birth for the second time. My child will arrive when she wants to arrive and everything will come together, as it always does. My main response when asked the ever so popular question of “Are you ready?” is “I have no choice.” Therefore, I have to be — no matter how I’m feeling.