How To Get Your Guy To Hang With Your Friends More

August 31, 2016  |  
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This might be one of the most common relationship problems that exists within otherwise highly functioning happy couples: the male partner who doesn’t want to hang out with his partner’s friends. He isn’t necessarily rude about it (that could be grounds for a breakup) but he certainly doesn’t make an effort, either. If this sounds familiar to you, then you probably dread every time you get an invitation from your friends, that’s extended to you and your boo. You approach the conversation as if you have to break devastating medical news to him, but really, you just need to say, “Hey um…my friends invited us to dinner on Friday night.” It’s pretty normal that men aren’t as social as women, and for men to fall into the pattern of wanting just to hang with their girlfriends, and their own friends. But they have to learn that that just won’t do. Here’s how to get your man to hang with your friends more.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Remind him he’s making you look bad

Honestly, it kind of looks like you’re dating an entitled jerk who thinks he’s better than everybody else when your partner never comes out. Especially when he didn’t have other plans; he’s just sitting at home, playing video games.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

And, he’s making your friends question his commitment

He wants your friends to like him, right? Well, when he never hangs out with them, he makes them question how committed he is to you. That’s all you have to tell him, and he’ll know that your friends are in your ear about him…

Corbis

Corbis

He makes people pity you

Let him know about all the pity looks and condescending, “You’re here alone?” comments you get when he doesn’t come out. Let him know that you’re subjected to all of that just because he wasn’t in the mood to go out.

women sisters friends

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The friends aren’t going anywhere

Here’s a big picture reality; your friends aren’t going anywhere. So he may as well start building rapport with them now. Otherwise, it will just be awkward when he does have to see them at things like weddings and anniversaries.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Remind him you never flake on him because you’re tired/moody

I’m not a big fan of keeping score, but when the score is overwhelmingly in one person’s favor, you may need to speak up. Like when your partner flakes every time he is a little bit tired, and yet you have never flaked on him when you were tired. And he better believe that you’ve been tired.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Don’t flake on him

Make sure your actions support your words. If you’re intent on getting your partner to hang with your friends more, keep hanging out with his. This isn’t the time to pull back.

"black couple bowling PF"

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Make it an activity he likes (sometimes)

If you have to drag him out to hang with a couple he just doesn’t have fun with, at least plan an activity he loves. This can be going to his favorite arcade or bowling alley or live performance—just make sure he gets something out of the night.

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Shutterstock

Or at least let him invite his own friends

If your guy can’t pick the activity then let him choose the group; let him know that he can invite his own friends along, too.

Corbis

Corbis

Don’t push couples vacations on him

Your partner’s vacations are rare and precious so don’t make him spend those with people he doesn’t totally adore. He should come to one-night events with your friends, but he doesn’t have to go for a week in Hawaii with them.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Remember, he doesn’t always have to come

It will be easier for your partner to get on board with hanging with your friends if he knows he isn’t setting up unrealistic expectations. In other words, tell him he doesn’t have to come along every time—just the times you say it’s important.

Corbis

Corbis

Be thankful when he does come

When he does come to hang with your friends, make sure he feels appreciated! It’s too easy to act like he just escaped punishment, rather than act like he deserves a reward. But he’ll resent you if you aren’t overwhelmingly grateful.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

And, go even when he wants you to stay in

If your guy is really stubborn, he may just have to learn: the only way he gets to hang out with you is if he’ll go out with you and your friends. That means that, on those nights he decides he wants to stay in, but you both had plans to meet your friends, you still go out. He’ll learn that you don’t give in that easily.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Tell him you’re afraid to ask him to hang out

You could take the very honest approach of letting him know, “Hey, do you know that you’ve made me afraid to simply ask you if we can hang with our friends? You make no effort to hide how annoyed you are and that really hurts me.”

Black woman driving

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Offer to be the designated driver

Hey, why not? If he needs to down a few cocktails to enjoy a night out with your best friend and her boyfriend who—if you can all admit—is rather boring, then just offer to drive.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Tell him he’s being a big baby

Doing things you don’t feel like doing is part of being a grownup, and your partner needs to grow up.

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