How To Get Your Guy To Hang With Your Friends More
This might be one of the most common relationship problems that exists within otherwise highly functioning happy couples: the male partner who doesn’t want to hang out with his partner’s friends. He isn’t necessarily rude about it (that could be grounds for a breakup) but he certainly doesn’t make an effort, either. If this sounds familiar to you, then you probably dread every time you get an invitation from your friends, that’s extended to you and your boo. You approach the conversation as if you have to break devastating medical news to him, but really, you just need to say, “Hey um…my friends invited us to dinner on Friday night.” It’s pretty normal that men aren’t as social as women, and for men to fall into the pattern of wanting just to hang with their girlfriends, and their own friends. But they have to learn that that just won’t do. Here’s how to get your man to hang with your friends more.
Remind him he’s making you look bad
Honestly, it kind of looks like you’re dating an entitled jerk who thinks he’s better than everybody else when your partner never comes out. Especially when he didn’t have other plans; he’s just sitting at home, playing video games.
And, he’s making your friends question his commitment
He wants your friends to like him, right? Well, when he never hangs out with them, he makes them question how committed he is to you. That’s all you have to tell him, and he’ll know that your friends are in your ear about him…
He makes people pity you
Let him know about all the pity looks and condescending, “You’re here alone?” comments you get when he doesn’t come out. Let him know that you’re subjected to all of that just because he wasn’t in the mood to go out.
The friends aren’t going anywhere
Here’s a big picture reality; your friends aren’t going anywhere. So he may as well start building rapport with them now. Otherwise, it will just be awkward when he does have to see them at things like weddings and anniversaries.
Remind him you never flake on him because you’re tired/moody
I’m not a big fan of keeping score, but when the score is overwhelmingly in one person’s favor, you may need to speak up. Like when your partner flakes every time he is a little bit tired, and yet you have never flaked on him when you were tired. And he better believe that you’ve been tired.
Don’t flake on him
Make sure your actions support your words. If you’re intent on getting your partner to hang with your friends more, keep hanging out with his. This isn’t the time to pull back.
Make it an activity he likes (sometimes)
If you have to drag him out to hang with a couple he just doesn’t have fun with, at least plan an activity he loves. This can be going to his favorite arcade or bowling alley or live performance—just make sure he gets something out of the night.
Or at least let him invite his own friends
If your guy can’t pick the activity then let him choose the group; let him know that he can invite his own friends along, too.
Don’t push couples vacations on him
Your partner’s vacations are rare and precious so don’t make him spend those with people he doesn’t totally adore. He should come to one-night events with your friends, but he doesn’t have to go for a week in Hawaii with them.
Remember, he doesn’t always have to come
It will be easier for your partner to get on board with hanging with your friends if he knows he isn’t setting up unrealistic expectations. In other words, tell him he doesn’t have to come along every time—just the times you say it’s important.
Be thankful when he does come
When he does come to hang with your friends, make sure he feels appreciated! It’s too easy to act like he just escaped punishment, rather than act like he deserves a reward. But he’ll resent you if you aren’t overwhelmingly grateful.
And, go even when he wants you to stay in
If your guy is really stubborn, he may just have to learn: the only way he gets to hang out with you is if he’ll go out with you and your friends. That means that, on those nights he decides he wants to stay in, but you both had plans to meet your friends, you still go out. He’ll learn that you don’t give in that easily.
Tell him you’re afraid to ask him to hang out
You could take the very honest approach of letting him know, “Hey, do you know that you’ve made me afraid to simply ask you if we can hang with our friends? You make no effort to hide how annoyed you are and that really hurts me.”
Offer to be the designated driver
Hey, why not? If he needs to down a few cocktails to enjoy a night out with your best friend and her boyfriend who—if you can all admit—is rather boring, then just offer to drive.
Tell him he’s being a big baby
Doing things you don’t feel like doing is part of being a grownup, and your partner needs to grow up.