Can’t Find A Man At Home: Why I Decided To Get Out More To Find Love

August 30, 2016  |  




I don’t want to be single forever. And though I’m not picking out china patterns in my head, I still have reoccurring thoughts about meeting that special guy. I’m open to dating. In fact, I welcome it. The thing is, like many women, I haven’t made it a priority. In fact, because I’m usually bogged down with work, I spend very little time making myself available to meet someone new; but after an older, married friend offered unsolicited advice about my dating life, I’ve decided to take heed. Basically, she said what I already knew but wasn’t putting into practice: I have to get out more to meet men. So now I’ve decided to pursue a more active dating life. And while I’m somewhat old-fashioned in my thinking and prefer a man to pursue me, I know that he can’t find me in my house.

A 2012 Stanford University study, “How Couples Meet and Stay Together,” found that heterosexual couples usually meet in one of three ways. About 30 percent of them meet through mutual friends, 20 percent meet in bars or restaurants, while another 20 percent meet their significant others online. According to the study, the rest usually meet at places they frequent often: church, in their neighborhood, at work, or school. Let’s note that nowhere in this study’s findings does it say that we are likely to meet a significant other by sitting at home watching marathons of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit (my frequent obsession).

Initially, the thought of pursuing an active dating life seemed borderline desperate to me. I liked the idea of doing my own thing and when it was time for that special someone to find me, he would. But I realized that making an effort is anything but desperate. I think it’s the idea of purposely doing something to find a man that bothers my ego; but I had to start looking at it differently. If I wanted a new job, I would search online, send out resumes, and attend networking events. I wouldn’t just sit in the house, hoping while twiddling my thumbs. So if I want to be in a relationship, I should actively try and date more. And in order to date more, I actually have to meet people. It only makes sense.

This is not about compromising, but rather, accessibility. I don’t plan to lower my standards or neglect key character traits to meet a man. What I do plan to do is to get out and allow myself to be exposed to different people, be open to the idea of dating someone outside of my comfort zone. This doesn’t mean that I’m heading to clubs on the weekends on a massive manhunt. Instead, I plan to attend more of the house parties and dinners I’m often invited to but usually decline because I’m “too tired.” I’ll even attend more events with my church and the organizations I’m supposed to be a member of but haven’t found the time to participate in. And I’ll go a step further: I’m even going to jump outside of my comfort zone and allow an occasional blind date hookup or two to happen.

Through my efforts, maybe there will be a love connection, maybe there won’t. The reality is that I won’t know until I get out more and try. What I do know for sure is, it’s harder to find love by just sitting at home and waiting for the magic to happen.

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