Please Stop Telling Me To “Try” For A Boy

July 20, 2016  |  


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We are expecting our baby in September, so we will have a total of two kids who will be adorned with hair bows and dresses, with futures consisting of nail appointments and retail therapy. As of September, we will have two daughters and no sons.

Although my husband and I are excited about having another daughter, many people seem to offer their unsolicited disappointment upon hearing about, or now seeing, my pregnancy. Occasionally, we’ll get the positive response of “Oh, yay!” Still, when it comes to reactions, we normally receive the face. It is the same facial expression that someone gives a kid who didn’t make the team. The “I’m sure you’re disappointed so I’ll empathize with you” face. It’s the same face many people gave when they found out that Kobe Bryant and his wife, Vanessa, were having their third daughter.

The verbiage that follows is the most annoying. Not only have I been asked if we will “try” for a boy, but I’ve also been instructed to do so. Everything from “Your husband will want his son” to “You need to give your husband a son.” Actually folks, all I “need” to do is pay taxes.

Along with being uncouth, the word “give” in the comment “Give your husband a son” is scientifically inaccurate. If we do try for a boy, who’s to say that our third child will definitely be a boy? Apparently, many people don’t remember the biology lesson on how gender is determined. Let me refresh your memory.

Each person has two sex chromosomes, men contain X and Y and women have two XX chromosomes. When the egg is fertilized, either the X or the Y chromosome fertilizes it, leaving the gender determination up to the man.

The most ridiculous comment that I’ve received recently was, “If you had hit the jackpot [one boy and one girl] then I’m sure you guys would be done.” I had no words, but gave my usual cordial smile at the assumption that we’re going to keep having kids until we end up with a boy.

We’ve recently looked at preschools and it is NOT cheap. Of course, we can opt for the run of the mill school that will solely focus on babysitting, but I want the crème de la crème (within our budget) that will equip our children with the necessary skills and tools needed for grade school and beyond. Now, multiply those preschool fees by two. I can naturally assume that with two kids, the price of everything doubles.

If we have a third child, multiply the original fee, for one kid, by three. Preschool is just one line item, but factor in diapers (especially if the third child comes quickly), clothes (if the third child is indeed a boy, hand-me-downs will be nonexistent), and food.

Not only do I want to make sure that our children are well taken care of while they are our dependents, I want to secure their college fund and wealth.

In addition to finances, people never think about the time commitment associated with having three children. How will having more children affect our marriage? Will we be able to spend as much time with our two oldest children? Will we have time to take them to all of their after-school activities?

Even though we don’t know what the future holds for our growing family, my husband and I are enjoying the time that we have with our toddler and looking forward to meeting our newest princess. We’re doing this while also diligently disregarding other people’s commentary.

When you are itching to inquire about someone’s possible future offspring, please refrain. They don’t need that pressure from you. But if you must, be prepared to follow up your question or statement with your estimated monthly contribution to that particular child’s 529 account.

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