#RelationshipGoals: How To Know If He’s Crazy About You, Or Just Plain Crazy

July 25, 2016  |  

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Continued from #RelationshipGoals: Whirlwind Romance or Certified Weirdo?

Shannon was and is surely a character, but I was the woman allowing for anything he did to continue by entertaining it, thoughI was constantly wondering: is he crazy or honestly just crazy about me?

I’ve entertained relationships in the past where he (insert whatever man’s name here) was way too into me and I was kinda sorta not right there with him. My mom always told me that if I ever get into a relationship with someone, I need to be sure that they like me more than I like them because in the end, it’ll be easier to hold on to them. At least that’s why I thought she always told me that. Let’s just say that I’ve tried it several times because 9 times out of 10 my momma be knowing, but 10 times out of 9, these men (infatuated or not) cannot keep me, nor I them! Which is why we’re here, trying to get kept.

So when someone like Shannon comes along, I don’t automatically distance myself from them. Roll your eyes all you want. I believe in innocent until proven guilty.

Shannon was suspicious, but he wasn’t quite guilty, so I continued answering his texts and phone calls. One early afternoon, I was at work when Shannon sent a text.

“If I fly into JFK today, will you see me?”

I checked the time and wrote back to Shannon, “Sure, we can have dinner.” I mostly shrugged him off because, honestly, I never really believed anything that Shannon said at this point. Most of the time, it felt like any conversation we had always dropped me off in the middle of the chat and I had no idea what happened before the moment I was in. When he asked about flying to New York so casually, it felt like he’d already asked me if he could come and visit.

I sat for a moment thinking about Shannon’s bold query and added, “You ask like we’ve discussed this before?”

“Haven’t I? I asked when we met a couple weeks ago if I should come to New York and you told me t do whatever I wanted to do. I’m doing just that,” Shannon replied. “See you soon!” He ended the text with an airplane emoji and a heart. I did vaguely remember Shannon asking about flying into JFK, but there was nothing that ever came from that moment. So I considered it off the table.

I thought to myself: if this guy is really coming to New York, how exactly will I handle this? I quickly shot my own silly thoughts down: He’s not coming, so it’s whatever.

I went about my day as normal. And when the work day came to a close, I decided to call Shannon to see if I should alter my plans that evening to include him. Shannon didn’t pick up my call and I took that as a sign to continue on with my Monday evening, which consisted of doing the laundry I didn’t make time for that Sunday.

I had gotten home and started in on my laundry and by the time I was putting my whites in the dryer, Shannon sent a message, claiming to be at the airport. I ignored it, laughing at his commitment to his joke.

Then Shannon called. I picked up, “Hey!”

“What’s up baby?” Shannon said with familiarity. We’d been chatting during the few weeks since we met. Each time, Shannon would call me baby or some form of it and insist that we were in a relationship. I didn’t think of that flag as a red flag, but it was a pinkish color. Shannon was harmless, so long as he stayed in Chicago.

“I’m in NYC!” Shannon said before I got a chance to reply.

“You’re not,” I laughed, still doing laundry.

Shannon hung up. I laughed at his erratic communication practices.

One minute later, Shannon was Face Timing me. I picked up. “I guess this is your way of proving you’re in New York?”

“Exactly. You’re my baby. You get me,” Shannon winked at me. “It’s good to see you baby.”

“Good to be seen,” I said smiling back at the handsome loose cannon on the other end of the phone.

“See, I’m here!” Shannon swung his phone around so that I could see his surroundings. He was indeed at JFK.

I looked at the time. It was 11pm. “What happened to dinner?”

“I landed at 7 and then I figured you were busy, so I went sight-seeing in Times Square. And then I got lost on the train. I didn’t hear from you, so I came back to the airport and got a flight for tomorrow morning.”

I shook my head, delightfully confused at Shannon’s failed plan. “You didn’t hear from me? Did you call or anything?”

“No, you right. I should have called,” Shannon said.

“And you came here on a one way?”

“Yeah. I was going to stay a few days. Wine and dine you…”

“And what happened to that idea Shannon?”

“I don’t know,” Shannon hesitated. “Honestly, I was scared. I was pumped when I bought the ticket. I was pumped on the flight. And once I got here, it got real. I felt stupid. I felt butterflies. So, I just reacted and did the tourist thing.” Shannon smiled, “You see how you got me baby? I’m lost out here in love with you.”

I laughed at Shannon, “You’re not in love with me.”

“Yes I am baby. And after I rode the train, I can’t have you riding the trains. I’m going to send you money so that you can get cabs everyday. My princess can’t deal with this stress. Hold on.”

Shannon hung up and I was sitting there in disbelief. How much should I continue to entertain this obviously unstable dude? He still felt harmless, but I was increasingly concerned with his mental health. Isn’t that something–here’s a man willing to treat me like a princess and I am questioning his mental stability. OK, so he’s doing a lot more than attempting to treat me like royalty. He’s actually making plans and following through with them as if there’s some type of confirmation from my side. Moreover, he doesn’t seem to fully understand social cues.

I received a text from Shannon. It was a photo of his bank card–front and back. What the…? Things were officially interesting. I responded, “Why would you send me your card like this Shannon?”

“What’s mine is yours. Change your payment in your Uber app to mine and get us a hotel room for tonight,” Shannon replied.

“I’m not staying with you in a hotel, but I will change my Uber information LOL,” I replied.

I actually attempted to change my payment information in Uber. If Shannon thinks I am too good to ride public transportation and wants to foot the bill for me to always ride in comfort, then who am I to deny him? Uber rejected the attempt. I got scared and deleted everything. I messaged Shannon, “The card didn’t work.”

No response.

I didn’t hear from Shannon again until about a week later when he messaged me, “We broke up,” complete with a brokenhearted emoji and crying face. The dots appeared, indicating he was still typing. “I could have loved you forever if you let me. You are too selfish for me.”

I laughed and didn’t respond to Shannon’s message. Clearly, Shannon was special. I won’t say crazy because that’s rude, but the boy was clearly touched. But what if he was serious? What if he did have strong love-at-first-sight feelings for me and was unsure of how to express those feelings? Love doesn’t fit in convenient boxes that we are all so ready to use–throwing those who don’t fit away like yesterday’s garbage. However, my instincts left me uncomfortable with the way Shannon expressed his “love,” so I acted accordingly.

The only real way to determine if someone is indeed crazy over being crazy about you is to tap into your own particular threshold of instability. Some woman’s I-can’t-deal-with-this is another woman’s treasure. Shannon may be perfect for someone else. Let me know if you want him ladies.

 

 

 

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