Ask a Very Smart Brotha: Booty Calls and Greedy Goldfish

August 24, 2011  |  

Dear Champ,

Perhaps you can help me with a strange situation I have never found myself in and I’m trying to make sense out of it. I met a guy about a year and half ago. When we first met at a gathering, sparks were flying between the two of us. We were totally smitten by each other the entire time we were there. If there was ever a such thing as a Soul Mate, we were probably close. However, after awhile, it was obvious that a romantic relationship was out of the question. His secrecy and emotional maturity bothered me and it became more than a notion to try to get him to open up truthfully to me. Even though things didn’t work out between us romantically, we still liked each other on a personal level, and we developed somewhat of a friendship—–over the phone!

For some reason, he is content with this phone friendship. We talk 24/7, day and night, night and day for months and months. But, we have very little face-to-face interaction. Now, he claims that he lives in another state, but I never believed it. I believe he lives in the same state and city as I do. Whenever he claims he’s in town, it’s like pulling teeth to get him to visit me.The few times we have spent together, we had a great time (and electrifying sex). I have invited him to different events but he never comes. He always gives me some excuse about his money being low.

Sometimes I feel like he wants me but he can’t articulate it. He’ll do strange stuff like ask me if I’ll move to a new city with him if he decides to relocate, or one time, without my knowledge, he tried to get me a job in the city he says he lives in. But then, there are times where I feel like I’m simply his “friend” and nothing more. For instance, he’ll talk to me about other women he’s been seeing.

I have broken this relationship off several times because I don’t like it, yet he ALWAYS comes back!! It’s not going anywhere, it’s not getting any better, and I’m not interested in playing this game any more. I told him that I’m bored with this and that he needs to be honest and tell me the truth about a lot of things (namely his life and his feelings about me), but he refuses. So I cut him off for good this time. So my question is, why doesn’t he leave me alone? I’ve been as patient as I can be, hoping that he would eventually come around and be truthful, but he still hasn’t and I’m done. From a man’s perspective, what is this about because I honestly don’t get it. What is he getting out of having a phone-friendship without any face-to-face interaction? Truthfully, I get nothing from it.

Sincerely,
Thoroughly confused

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