Can We All Agree There’s A Zero Chance Of Speed Dating Working?
Today, we want everything fast. We can have our groceries delivered—heck, we can have everything delivered with services like Postmates—we can pick up handcrafted lattes through a window, and we can watch an entire series of a television show in one night. We’re not exactly big on waiting these days. And, with dating apps that tell you the name and age of someone you just walked by, we get dates pretty fast, too. But maybe location-based apps should be the pinnacle of fast dating because actual speed dating can be problematic. It can be fun to go with a friend, just for the stories and the two drink tickets that usually come included, but most speed dating events do not unfold into a romance story for the ages. Speed dating is a pretty unnatural way to get to know somebody. Here are 15 reasons it doesn’t work.
You feel competitive
You are able to see your competition—they aren’t some theoretical women who exist on a dating site. You are looking at the other women that the men who you might like will also be “dating” that evening. And that makes you feel competitive and under a lot of pressure.
The “Plenty of fish” mentality
On the flip side, you also realize that if this mini date doesn’t go well, there are twenty other men here for you to talk to tonight. You end up writing off guys pretty quickly, assuming the next guy will work out.
It’s hard to focus
Let’s face it; first dates are so awkward to be on and so entertaining to watch! How are you supposed to concentrate on your conversation when the pair next to you are talking about their pet’s socks collections?
There are never enough men
Women are far more open about wanting to find love, and that’s why at a lot of speed dating events, there aren’t enough men.
Your good traits are hard to explain
You are intelligent, funny, and thoughtful. But the second you say those things about yourself, you sound just plain cocky. And you don’t have enough time to demonstrate that you are those things.
Your easy to explain traits are boring
You do have time to explain where you went to college and what you do for a living and what part of town you live in. But that doesn’t teach you and your date anything about your compatibility.
Jokes do not land
You do not know your date at all, so the odds are if you try to make a joke, it will not land. You will feel awkward. You might even accidentally offend someone or come off as bitchy/ignorant/dumb. Jokes are mostly off limits, and that makes for a stale mini date.
People who are good at it…are the worst
Of course, you have those guys who are great at speed dating. They know just what types of jokes will land and just what to say quickly to show how smart and thoughtful they are. But, um, is that necessarily a good thing? That just means they speed date all of the time!
You feel a little desperate
The very fact that you are there is something you’re embarrassed about. It’s hard for you to commit fully to these conversations when you’re thinking, “This guy knows I want a date so badly, that I was willing to speed date.”
Your “dates” seem a little desperate
You also have a hard time concentrating on what your date is saying because you’re busy thinking, “What’s wrong with this guy that he was forced to speed date?”
It usually comes with drinks
You usually get some free drinks with the event tickets. And you have to drink those as fast as you have to date, which leaves you buzzed by your third mini date, and not really aware of what’s happening.
You can’t remember who you liked
By the end of it, you can’t remember the names or assigned numbers of the guys you liked. You usually end up writing down the wrong guy, and then he calls you, and you have to explain that, “Oh…I meant the other Jason…”
We don’t learn by talking
We really don’t learn anything about people by just talking. Think about the moments you’ve really understood who somebody is—it was through their actions.
You went with a friend
You probably went with a friend to make this all more bearable. Uh oh—you and your friend liked all the same guys. Surprise, surprise.
You overload on dates
You actually met six of seven guys out of the 30 there who you’d like to go out with some time. But now you have, like, three dates a week planned for the next two weeks, and that in and of itself is a problem. You’re thrown back in the plenty of fish mentality, knowing another date is around the corner, so you can write off each guy fast.