I’m selfish because I don’t want children?!

July 29, 2011  |  

Ladies! I have a few questions I’d like to ask:

“How many of you ladies have a child or children?” and…

“Do you think it’s selfish for a woman not to want children?”

Not too long ago, I was having lunch with a male friend. We’ve known each other for close to a year. And quite honestly, I think he has a bit of a crush on me. Lately, I’ve found him asking more questions about my thoughts on things like “family” and where I see myself in the “future.” His questions have never been intrusive so I haven’t had a problem answering them. Plus, he knows that I’m a writer and follows my work. We’ve had many conversations on a few of my articles. And he seems to enjoy my thoughts on topics pertaining to life and relationships.

Most of our discussions have been pleasant- never going beyond the usually friendly debate. But this recent conversation, unlike our previous ones, left me feeling a bit perplexed. We were actually at a restaurant near a park. And being that it’s still summer vacation for many children, the area was filled with kids. As we munched on our appetizers and chatted, I would notice my friend occasionally look over at a child, smile, and then look at me. He actually did this several times before changing our topic of conversation to the topic of children. Here’s how our conversation went:

Friend: Isn’t that girl so cute? (pointing to a cute little brown-skin girl) Look at her hair… you write on natural hair right?

Me: Yeah, her hair is gorgeous! And she is a cutie (smiling).

Friend: You don’t have children right? (I nodded) But you do want children? I’m sure you’d make a great mother.

Me: Thanks…. But I don’t want children…

Friend: (Looking shocked) What?! You don’t want kids? I would’ve never guessed that you wouldn’t want kids.

Me: (Looking confused) What do you mean you would’ve never guessed that I wouldn’t want kids?

Friend: Well, typically when women don’t want kids, it’s for selfish reasons.

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