Before getting engaged, you couldn’t tell me that I wasn’t a bomb wedding guest. I always showed up with a smile, a check in hand, and plenty of positive vibes to spread around. In hindsight, I can honestly say that I haven’t been that great of a guest. No, I was never the type to complain to a bride to her face or stress her out over nonsense, but overall, I can’t say that I’ve gone above and beyond to be understanding—or even a good sport.
Over the past few months, I’ve told you all about my pain-in-the-ass relative who has been acting as a thorn in my flesh since day one of wedding planning. Despite knowing nothing about my finances, my fiancé’s finances, or how much our wedding costs, he has gone above and beyond to shame us for doing anything other than celebrating our nuptials in a courthouse or a community center. Yep, I’d like to sock him in the face. However, I’m beginning to wonder if he’s here to keep me humble and teach me a lesson.
While I’ve never been as rude, tactless, or bold as this relative, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t passively participate in nonsense in the past—especially when it comes to speculation regarding how much money couples dished out for their weddings and who was able to afford what. Sure, I never initiated these conversations, but my nosy behind, sure enough, sat around with my mug ready to catch all of the tea when people who claimed that they knew what they were talking about were spilling it. I may not have jumped like, “Oh, she’s stupid. She can’t afford that.” But I sure as hell lent a listening ear and more than likely chimed in with the occasional “Word?” “Oh?” and “Damn! That’s someone’s annual salary!”
I faithfully watch true crime shows, and if I’ve learned nothing else, I’ve learned that people who passively stand around while some mess is going down—even if they don’t actively participate in the misconduct—is usually found guilty of said crime as well. So in a way, perhaps, I’m guilty of the same thing that my pain-in-the-butt relative has been doing to me. I remember hearing a sermon by Joyce Meyer when she recalled criticizing a young, expectant mother for missing Bible study due to morning sickness. Years later, Joyce became pregnant for the third time, and although her previous two pregnancies had been a breeze, this go-round, she was so sick that she could barely function. While crying out to God, He surely reminded her of that time she was so hard on homegirl. The moment she repented, the sickness ceased.
Lol, I hear you, Lord. I’m definitely sorry.
While I wish that I could say that this is where my conviction ended, I can’t. Wedding planning is stressful, but most don’t fully comprehend that until they find themselves in that position. I was one of those noncomprehending folks. I can recall being slightly annoyed with a friend who reached out to me to confirm that I was attending her wedding after I had RSVPd because she saw that I was out of the country a week before her wedding. In my mind, I’m like, “Dude, I said was coming. What the hell?” But looking back, I suppose she had the right to be concerned. When you’re paying a venue manager per head, the temptation to double, triple and quadruple check on RSVPs is real. Mad real.
Sure, I could probably end my confession here, but unfortunately, there’s more.
I was one of those annoying guests who missed RSVP deadlines.
I was one of those guests who uploaded ceremony and reception photos to social media before inquiring about whether the bride or groom wanted their stuff shared on the Internet.
I was one of those guests who didn’t do all that she could to hide the fact that she thought the reception food was nasty.
Sigh. I know it’s bad, but I’m vowing to do better. I have two weddings to attend before mine, and I promise that I’m going to be a much better wedding guest (and human). I’m going to start by minding my damn business. You all are my witnesses.