Things You Tell Your Boyfriend That You Can Never Take Back
A really good relationship can only exist if there is total honesty. But sometimes, the spirit of honesty can transition quickly into the spirit of oversharing. While you should answer every question your partner asks you honestly, just remember that there are different…er…let’s say levels of the truth, and you are only obligated to meet the minimum requirements. I promise you that your boyfriend probably follows these same standards for honesty and, whether you know it or not, you’re grateful for it. So do him the same favor and remember that there are some things you tell your boyfriend that you can never take back — so you might want to keep it to yourself.
I’m not that into romance
Well, why don’t you just cancel your birthdays, anniversaries and all Valentine’s Days indefinitely then. You just made your partner feel insecure about buying you so much as one rose or making a reservation at any restaurant that has live music.
Instead, say, “I love the simple things in life.”
This way he knows that ordering a band to serenade you on a privately chartered yacht with an onboard celebrity chef probably won’t be your thing. But you don’t remove the possibility of something like a little picnic next to a river by candlelight.
Your friend is adorable
Your boyfriend might ask you if you could help him set up any of your friends, or if you think your single good friend would be into his friend. If you think so, just set it up. But do not go into all of the reasons his friend would be a great match for yours–like how adorable and funny his friend is. Now your partner thinks that you like his friend and double dating is out of the question, darn!
Just say, “Of course. You pick your friends well.”
You are more than welcome to rave about all the ways your boyfriend’s friend makes a good friend to him. But try not to list off all the reasons he makes a desirable romantic partner.
Your mom is nuts
His mom may very well be nuts. In fact, he might talk every day about how nuts she is. But you are never, ever allowed to say that. Your boyfriend may not even realize it, but if you were ever to agree with him about his crazy mom, he would suddenly feel offended, and keep you away from her. That’s not what you want.
Mention how you love his mom because she made him and you love him. Mention how her eccentricities have become watered down through the generations and turned into wonderful character traits in her kids. Look for the silver lining.
I was once proposed to
Your boyfriend might ask you at some point how serious your past relationships have gotten. If you’ve been married, you need to tell him that. If you lived with a guy, your partner wants to know that. But you don’t need to tell him that a guy proposed to you. A proposal does not a marriage make–it’s just a question, and it didn’t really change the nature of that relationship. Telling your partner about it, however, makes it sound like you’re saying, “So hurry up with a ring already or other men will get in line!”
Instead, say, “There was talk of marriage.”
You can tell him that you considered marrying a man once. Just don’t mention karats or diamonds or gold bands or venues.
You’re not very good at insert sex act here
No no no no NO. Do not ever say that. Unless you want to permanently remove that sex act from the menu, then do not ever tell a man he is no good at whatever that is. He’ll be mortified and embarrassed and never try it again.
Instead, offer suggestions
Just do some gentle guiding. Make a few suggestions/edits when he’s in the act. He’ll be so ready for his turn, that he’ll be open to a little critique.
I hate this part of my body
Maybe there’s a certain sexual position that your partner loves, and you hate. You don’t hate it because it doesn’t feel good, but rather because it doesn’t look good. Well, at least in your head, it doesn’t make a certain part of your body look good. But don’t tell your partner that you hate your butt/stomach/boobs or whatever it is. Then, any time your partner compliments that part of you, you’ll think he’s just trying to make you feel better rather than enjoy the damn compliment.
Just say that position doesn’t do much for you
It’s not a criticism of him, or of you–just of the position. Neither of you made that position up. Neither of you is to blame.
This was wonderful about my ex
Your boyfriend might make the mistake of asking you what you liked about your past boyfriends. He shouldn’t ask this because it’s playing with fire, but he might. Now it’s your job to do damage control and not rave about your ex. Anything you say was positive about your ex; your partner will immediately assume is a trait he falls short in.
Instead, say, “It worked at the time, but I’ve grown.”
You can say a few things about your partner that were nice but keep them very generic. Then add that that partner worked for you at the time, but you’ve since grown into who you really are and your new boyfriend is perfect for that version of you.
I used to be promiscuous
Another dumb question your well-meaning boyfriend might ask you: were you ever into anything really kinky? Did you ever have a wild phase? Men think your stories will be a turn on, but they forget that they will involve other men. And then jealousy will kick in.
Instead, say, “I dated enough to learn what I wanted.”
Turn the notches in your built into a positive. Emphasize that you definitely have learned a lot about men, and so you’ve learned exactly which type is good for you. That’s just a compliment to your current partner.