Once upon a time #RelationshipGoals were cute and playful. Someone would see a pair being on the verge of annoyingly adorable and share the pic online with the hashtag, denoting how they hope to have a love like that some day. Now we’ve gotten to the point where you can’t admire one woman without tearing down the other 3,418,059,379 that inhabit the earth. Sorry, make that 3,418,059,378 because all women are still supposed to aspire to the prototype of womanhood also known as Beyonce. But when it comes to #WifeGoals, per say, the obsession with Ayesha Curry is swarming the Internet and, as these things normally go, the admiration for her loyalty as a wife and mother has turned into a tired debate on who really deserves a woman like her and why 3 billion-plus woman could never get on her level.
Ayesha has been labeled “wife of the century” based on this video in which she showers her husband with confetti after a game.
It’s adorable, right? The kind of thing that should make us thankful to see an image of two married Black people in love on a national scale. A sight that should reminds us 88% of married Black men have Black wives. Or hell, something that makes us say, “that was cute,” and then go on with our day. But no, not Black Twitter. They’ve used this 15-second clip as an opportunity to resurrect the old “If you want a Barack you better be a Michelle and vice versa” conversation one can only hope disappears when the Obamas leave the office (not that we’re excited that’s happening).
If Ayesha Curry throwing confetti at her man after a game makes you want to be a better spouse, girlfriend, or partner, great. If Ayesha Curry throwing confetti at her man after a game (and the fact that she cooks too) makes you want to engage in a digital game of slut-shamming and who’s better than who banter — like the people below — your Twitter password should be revoked.
I won’t pretend like I didn’t chuckle at some of these comments because I tend to find the sheer cleverness of members of Black Twitter thoroughly amusing. And I’ll also admit I understand women’s retaliation toward men who woke up thinking they were Steph Curry this morning and suddenly want to hold every woman to a standard of wifery that — whether attainable or not — is unfair. But the thing is there is only one Ayesha Curry. Just like there is only one Beyonce. Don’t talk to me about how many hours Beyonce has in her day and ask me what’s my excuse when Matthew and Tina Knowles are not my parents. And don’t tell me how and why Ayesha got Steph unless you were there when they met and every day since then.
Off top, we’ve got to stop aspiring to be like people outside of our tax brackets — unless you’re inspired by their entrepreneurship. Trying to physically look like a celebrity when you’re a part of the 99% will never work out for you (mentally or physically), and trying to mimic the lives of people you only see through a glimpse of a vine or ‘gram or Tweet who have ample means to “be great” at all times or at least create the allusion of it is foolish. But even if Ayesha and Steph Curry were a couple at your local Home Depot, putting either of them on a pedestal as the Holy Grail of couples is more telling about you and your choices than it is there’s.
While everyone is entitled to like what they like, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the first people proclaiming “I need a Michelle/Beyonce/Ayehsha” are often nowhere near the caliber of a partner that would attract such a woman. To absolve themselves of the responsibility of their poor relationship choices, they treat these women like unicorns and put up a farse to convince the masses — or their 500 followers — that they would stop treating women like trash if they were worth it, like apparently only Ayesha is. And it’s those types of remarks that then cause women to become defensive and accuse Ayesha of slut-shaming when she shares how she likes to dress, simply because a subset of men took her personal preference and ran with it.
It’s sad how a real display of affection between a man and a woman can turn into fictitious declarations of how the average man and woman poorly live their lives. If people spent more time living instead of hoping, wishing, and hashtag praying to be like two people they’ve never met a day in their lives, the myth of Ayesha Curry’s rareness would die and there’d be far more appreciation for what the young couple of color represents to the masses. Let’s focus on that and keep our #RelationshipGoals to ourselves.