What Do You Do When The Sex Becomes Too Predictable?
When you first met him, the sex was off the chain. All he had to do was look at you a certain way, and it was on. You’d go at it 2, sometimes 3, times a day. And then, life happened. Responsibilities mounted, your alone time became somewhat limited, and sex became more mechanical than passionate. If any of this sounds the least bit familiar, not to worry, it’s actually quite common for long-term partners to fall into sexual ruts. Thankfully, there are simple and practical solutions to this problem.
“I get this a lot, and I think that it’s so fascinating because couples have these sexual scripts that they stick to. Typically, the same person initiates sex. It happens in very similar places. The way in which people initiate sex are very similar,” says sexpert and relationship therapist Marissa Nelson. “A couple will come home, and one person will want sex. Somebody will rub on the other person’s butt, and they might ask for sex or make a joke. They might start pulling at the pants and then it’s like, ‘Alright fine, let’s have sex.’ And sex happens in a very similar way. Somebody might give oral sex for like 3 seconds. Somebody might take off the clothes and then sex kind of happens in this very routine way. That’s what happens in long-term relationships. There are a lot of different components to this.”
Thankfully, Marissa has some simple and practical solutions to this problem, which she was kind enough to share with us. So if you’re looking to bring excitement back into your bedroom in 2016, continue reading.
Get to know yourself
According to Nelson, the first step is getting to know the person in the mirror.
“How do we ensure novelty and a sense of excitement and a sense of change in our sexual script? It’s easy! Individually, we need to figure out: What really excites me? What really arouses me? What do I really like? What really helps me connect to my deeper sense of sexuality? A lot of couples lose that. They lose who they are sexually, and they don’t know anymore. So they kind of keep having sex the same way. It’s really important for you to identify: What is my turn-on? What excites me? What arouses me? Because let me tell you, if you’ve been in a relationship ten years, I certainly don’t have the same sexual preferences that I did at 25, that I did at 30, that I now have at 33.”