The video above (link here) is hilarious, right?
I shared it with a girlfriend of mine because that’s what we do on Instagram in the wee hours of the morning when we should be asleep, rebooting for another work day. To my surprise, she burst out with a “GIRL!” and shared that she couldn’t even laugh hard at the clip because it was a little too relevant to her life right now.
She’s not 24 like Kway Kway’s character here, rather, she’s in her early 30s. She’s single and open to mingle, but she’s found that way too many suitors who come her way are younger. Not only that, but they’re still trying to get their lives together.
For instance, there was the guy who asked for her number who just so happened to work at the fish market she visits during the day–while also putting in hours at American Eagle in the evenings.
And then there was the really cute guy with the fun personality who was just a little younger and collected his paycheck folding clothes and working in the back room at Forever 21.
Sure, it’s nice to encounter men with full-time gigs and concrete plans for their future, but there’s nothing wrong with a guy getting his hustle on and working long hours at part-time jobs to pay the bills. It’s much better than a man who sits in his mother’s home and does absolutely nothing for free.99.
But, for my friend, it’s not something she can really get with. As a successful woman making big moves, she just isn’t open to dating a guy who isn’t in a similar place. Potential is cute, but it won’t pay the bills.
I told you last year about one of my very best girlfriends, who has been dating the same guy for more than eight years. They met when she was in college and while he was working as a manager at Subway. His form of employment didn’t bother her much back then because she was young and involved in a whirlwind romance. But as we inch closer to 30, it’s a position he still has, and she wants him to want more for himself. It was something she ended up resenting him over, and their relationship nearly imploded after she stepped out on him. But they managed to make it work and are happier than ever.
Still, it’s common for women who are looking for serious relationships to give a hard pass to men who aren’t working full-time jobs and touting decorated titles.
But, of course, we’ve heard stories of women who didn’t judge men by their financial status and job situations, and ended up finding happily ever after. Like Tia Mowry and her hubby, Cory Hardrict. As Hardrict told Global Grind, to this day, he’s grateful that his wife could look past where he was at that time in his life when they met, and instead, saw what he could be.
I think it was what my wife saw in me. She saw an honest man who had a dream. I just had a vision, man. I didn’t come in selling no games. I feel like a man can just hold his own and be a man. I don’t have to play no games with nobody and she respected that and it was what it was.
But paying the bills while your man expends his so-called potential has also backfired for others. Like this woman:
I have been in a situation before where I lived with someone who was a Trainee. Paid for almost everything. Most the rent and bills. Regretted not dumping him sooner because after he got himself sorted out. No thanks to me. He ended up dumping me!
I never want to be in that situation again…I want a guy with a bit more stability in his life. I never want to have to support someone financially again. It should be 50/50 when the relationship gets more serious.
I am not to[sic] fussed about money. I don’t have to be with someone who earns $100,000, $200,000 a year. But would like to be with a partner wheo[sic] earns enough that we get by comfortably.
Yeah, I’m all for being open and having fun. But when you know what you want, and that doesn’t include dating a guy who is trying to make a living through fast food and retail, there’s no use in faking the funk and wasting the time if you know you’re really not down to ride. Folks want passion–not a passion project…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Is it petty to avoid getting to know a nice guy because of his line of work? Can you look beneath job titles and salaries and give guys a chance based on who they are as people and what they have to offer? Or are you looking for a form of stability you don’t think you can get with guys still trying to build?