Latrese Williams of Another Single Sister recently wrote a pivotal blog entry about dating as a Black woman abroad. She opened her piece by sharing her American dating experiences with the type of men who many of us have had the unfortunate pleasure of dating as well: “I dated a handsome and sweet idiot, an unemployed no sex drive guy, and the couldn’t get over his ex-wife, ever, ever, emotionally unavailable dude.”
However, whenever Williams found herself miles away from American soil, her love life was filled will late nights and sensual early mornings. “When I travel, I am Apple stock. I am a tech company IPO. I am first round of investor funding secured. Moving around in other places there seems to be an infinite supply of men and I feel like a blonde white girl at the ESPY Awards,” she writes. And even if she was approached by the occasional douche bag, Williams claims that while she is abroad there were “So. Many. Options. Many of these men are handsome, charming, employed, eager, and then the accents? *swoon*”
Aside from that, Williams shared that her dating experiences abroad varied and didn’t always happen with marriage being the end goal: “ You can have a passionate kiss and mind blowing sex or just meet this really cool guy that will always join you for an espresso to teach you the language and practice his English.”
To gather more insight on this topic, I reached out to a close friend of mine, Lauren Powell, who lived in Brazil for seven months and asked about her opinions on finding love abroad.
MadameNoire: What has been your experience dating in your hometown?
Laura Powell: Dating in my hometown was like a long drawn out game in which you don’t really know the rules but you don’t want to lose. Almost like an aggressive stare down and see who talks first contest. It’s always a let’s see who can feel the most and hide their feelings contest. And frankly it was annoying for me.
MN: Do you think American dating is different from dating abroad?
LP: American dating is definitely different from dating abroad. Different set of values, different girl and guy codes.
MN: One woman claims American men are lazy and men abroad put forth more effort, do you agree or disagree? And why?
LP: I agree and disagree. American men don’t put forth the effort; they don’t usually pull out chairs or bring flowers. But I disagree because if you think about it when you travel to certain countries as an American/ European citizen you are a commodity. So you have to factor in where are you meeting these men, how long are you there? In my case, I was living in Brazil, so I had a chance to see the actual dating culture and from that experience I will say that the culture breeds men who are polite and into chivalry. They believe in paying for the first date and not going dutch like in the states. Overall, I do think men abroad put forth more effort. It’s just that the intention is just as important.
MN: Did men approach you differently in Brazil in comparison to men in your hometown?
LP: Yes I felt like it was an approach of a genuine appreciation and not an objectified one. I feel objectified in the United States but in Brazil I felt proud to be a curvy black woman with my natural hair.
MN: Should Black women from America, specifically, be skeptical about dating men from other countries?
LP: Yes but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t date men from other countries. It’s like with anything, be smart and aware about your choices.
MN: Do you think Black women can find the love of their lives abroad?
LP: Certainly! Especially in warm, receptive cultures like Northern Brazil. Boa Sorte (good luck) ladies!
Have found love while abroad? If so, share your story in the comment section below!