Serious Question: At What Point (If Ever) Do You Stop Using Condoms With A Boyfriend?

January 19, 2016  |  

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Several weekends ago, I met up with some friends from high school for brunch and girls time. Since we all seem to have a million and one things going on between our professional and personal lives, outings such as this one are few and far between, and we had plenty to catch up on. One friend in particular, who we’ll call “Kayla,” had plenty of tea to spill. Since the last time we were all together, she met a new guy, and the pair has been exclusive for about two months. They dated for an additional two months prior to becoming exclusive, so they’ve been seeing each other for four months in total. After giving us the details on her new relationship, Kayla asked one of our married homegirls, “Ashley,” what kind of birth control she uses and how she likes it.

“Condoms,” Ashley told her. “We’re not trying to have kids right now, and I hate the side effects that come with hormonal birth control, so we’re using rubbers.”

“Girl, we haven’t worn condoms in a while. I highly doubt Bae will be trying to put one on now.”

“You mean you guys have never worn condoms?” Ashley asked, “Not even in the beginning?”

“Well at first, but we stopped last month. We’ve been using the withdrawal method since then. ”

At this point, things got a little awkward. A couple of my friends, Ashley included, stared at Kayla blankly.

“I trust him,” Kayla defended. “And we’ve been tested.”

“Kayla, you’ve only known him but for a hot second,” Ashley replied calmly while trying to remove the judgmental tone from her voice.

Unfortunately, the damage was already done at that point. While Kayla defended her decision, stating that unprotected sex is fine because they know each other’s statuses, Ashley argued that seeing someone’s status on paper doesn’t mean you should place your life in their hands so freely. The conversation was beginning to get intense, so we quickly changed the subject.

I have heard some women say that they won’t engage in unprotected sex with a man who they’re not married to. Others have said that they would feel comfortable ditching the raincoat after being in a relationship for a few years. And then you have others, like my girl Kayla, who are okay with ditching the rubber out of the gate. While I hated seeing my friends argue, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to hear more. It was interesting hearing both ladies share why they felt how they felt, and made me want to get other women’s perspectives on the subject.

How do you feel about unprotected sex with a boyfriend? At what point in a relationship, if ever, is it okay?

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