Funny Things That Get In The Way Of Having Sex
Do you ever watch an adult movie and think, “How’s her hair not getting in her mouth?” or “Is that position even physically possible without a little lumbar support?” If you do, then you (list most of us) know that there are some real logistics to having sex and sometimes some pretty fun things get in the way of having it.
A bad cut
Vagina shaving is a sensitive business. One slip of the hand and a woman can leave herself with a cut that makes sex impossible for a week!
An impending period
Some men are afraid to have sex with their partner if they know her period is around the corner—they’re paranoid the sex might bring an early onset period. They flatter themselves.
You don’t put things in your mouth you’re allergic to, so don’t put things in your vagina that you’re allergic to. Failure to read the label on a flavored condom or edible lubricant can mean the hives.
Many a sex life has been taken down by Fettucini Alfredo. Or the fried sampler platter at happy hour.
A movie scene
Try watching a movie in which a man complains about the weird sounds his girlfriend makes during sex and then trying to have sex. Everybody’s uncomfortable.
Sometimes it is too damn hot to have sex. You try, but you end up going your separate ways to sit in front of the air conditioning vents.
Sometimes you just can’t remember if you took your birth control pill that day. Oh, and your partner hates to use condoms. You can try to call your roommate and have her check the pill packet you left on your desk, but that might kill the mood.
Dog owners know how difficult it is to put a dog, who is looking at you with the most loving eyes, outside of the bedroom and to close the door on his little puppy face so that you can have sex. Sometimes, you just don’t have it in you.
The dog again
If you live in a studio apartment where there only is the one room, it’s tough to get it on when your dog is staring at you.
Somebody else’s bad news
If you or your partner had something bad happen during the day, sex at night could naturally be difficult. But sometimes, you just hear about a third party’s bad news, and you feel guilty doing something as joyous as sex. How can you two have sex with Jared got laid off?
You’re making something that takes two hours to make but must be flipped over every 10 minutes. Trying to fit in sex in between is just too stressful.
Sometimes sex is just a matter of scheduling. You get home at 6 pm and need to be home by 10 pm to get up at 5 am. He gets up at 10:30 pm.
See “Scheduling.” If scheduling is already an issue, and you can’t beat rush hour, you’ll miss your window! Even if you don’t miss that window, you might be in such a terrible mood because of the traffic.
It’s hard to get in the mood when you were on the phone with your mom anywhere within the hour before your man gets home. It’s just weird.
A greedy roommate
You’re out of condoms. No problem. Just ask the roommate. Never mind—the roommate said no. No explanation.