Brandy Says She’s Sworn Off The Idea Of Marriage–But I Don’t Believe Her

January 14, 2016  |  

Brandy has dealt with her fair share of heartache and pain. And if you know her track record with love, you can’t help but root for her. You want her to be happy. And right now, being happy for Brandy is being by herself.

At least, that’s what she told the ladies of The Real when she visited the show recently to discuss her new sitcom, Zoe Ever After.

The clip from her visit started with Brandy saying she’s at peace with singledom.

“I am so satisfied being by myself. I’ve never taken this much time on myself.”

When Lonnie Love asked her if she was dating, the singer said she hadn’t gone on a date in quite some time, opting instead to focus on her work and her family.

“I don’t date. I haven’t been out on a date in a year.”

She continued, “I just like me right now. I just like the way it feels being by myself and taking care of my daughter and doing my thing. I’m all about my career right now.”

I heard that. Who hasn’t been fed up with the dating scene and just needed that break? That time alone to focus on you, who and what’s important to you, and to just love on yourself? I understood that. I respected that. I got that.

But what I didn’t get was Brandy all of a sudden saying that she never wants to get married. That just didn’t sound like her.

Jeannie Mai commended Brandy for taking a break and said women should definitely do so before getting married. That’s when Adrienne Bailon said, “But wait, she’s saying she doesn’t ever see marriage in the future.”

Brandy’s response?

“I don’t.”

She expounded on that feeling, saying, “Girl, I don’t want to go down that road. I know I don’t want to…self-love is great right now.”

And that’s where she surprised me–and made me a little sad at the same time. I couldn’t help but wonder, through both her statements on the show and her demeanor as she said them, if she was telling the truth. Could Brandy really be giving up on love?

Based on what we’ve seen her go through over the years, you could understand why she might want to.

She had her heart broken by Wanya Morris of Boyz II Men when she was 18, and in the worst way:

“He fell in love with someone else, so the worst feeling is to be in love all by yourself. That feels f–ked up, honestly, it just does, and that’s the only way I can really put it. It felt like somebody had just completely taken my heart out of my body and just crushed it.”

Then there was the fraudulent union with Robert Smith, a guy who literally ran to the media after the relationship ended, embarrassing the star by sharing that they were never married.

Then, she bounced back and was engaged to former NBA star Quentin Richardson from 2004 to 2005. During that time, she even got a tattoo of his face on her back, as she was so sure that they were going to go the distance. Ater their split, she refrained from seriously dating and having sex for years.

And then, there was music executive Ryan Press. He proposed to her in 2012, and it looked like Brandy finally found her happily ever after. She was happier than ever. But in 2014, things fell apart, and the engagement was called off. When I talked to her about moving forward from that split last year, Brandy admitted it wasn’t easy.

“It really did take a while. This last heartbreak was really hard, you know what I mean? It’s time. I just made a decision that even through heartbreak, you have to affirm that all will be well and in time you will feel better. And I feel better.”

Even after that split, though, Brandy didn’t give up. She appeared on a short-lived show called The Daily Helpline and sought advice on how to make relationships work.

“I have a deep question for you guys. I’ve been in relationships before. I’ve been the heartbreaker; I have had my heart broken to pieces. But I just want to know the secret of making it work, cause time is ticking. I’m 35, and I’m trying to one day get to the next level. The next level! You know? Like marriage one day? Help me.”

But now she says that she’s done with marriage?

That’s why I’m so skeptical. Some women and men, you can look them in their eyes and tell that marriage has absolutely no appeal to them. Maybe they watched the relationships of their parents fall apart bitterly, or maybe they’ve been severely hurt in a previous marriage. And while some of those people do forgo holy matrimony and just date, others find someone who changes their way of thinking and tie the knot down the line.

But someone who has been engaged more than once and openly said that she wants to be married now saying she knows she doesn’t want it at all? I don’t think so. I think Brandy’s speaking from a place of hurt, and I’ve seen quite a few men, and especially women, do that.

I know women who hit their 30s and feel as though because they weren’t already in a serious relationship, there is no hope for them. I’ve even had a friend say that after everything Brandy’s been through, it makes sense for her to want to give up on marriage. She is almost 37

But why give up on something you’ve always been so adamant about wanting? Why turn up your face at the idea of dating and look horrified at the concept of marriage all of a sudden? What scares me is that I think many of us give up because we’re operating on the timelines society has set for us. They say that if you don’t get married by a certain age, the chances of you doing so, and the chances of you having a healthy pregnancy, dwindle. So there some of us are, depressed because we think we’ve missed the boat. The man we thought we’d marry didn’t pan out. Our attempt at online dating has been a mess. Instead of being open to love and what it could bring, we get fed up and tell people “Maybe marriage just isn’t for me.” We didn’t meet the invisible deadlines, so we decide to be defiant and reject the idea of marriage, shaking our head at the word and saying, “I don’t want that.”

But the reality is that instead of giving up on what we want for ourselves, we need to give up on the pressure people put on us to get it fast as hell. Give up on thinking that every time we step out, we need to do and wear the absolute most to get noticed. Give up on running behind and doing everything for a man who shows very quickly that he won’t reciprocate because we’re just so sure we can make him want to settle down. Give up on going into every dating situation with the desperation in our face that we want a ring, and we want it ASAP. Give up on taking a ring from a man just to say you’re engaged, and that you made the life deadline, even though you don’t know if you’re ready.

All the sh-t that people tell us we should do to make it down the aisle, and make it down before we expire like old milk (because marriage, in that realm, is more about calling yourself a “wife” than truly wanting to be one), give up on that.

I feel, in my heart, that Brandy still wants to get to that “next level,” but I think it’s time for her, and many of us, to go about doing so in a different way. As she said, self-love is great. When you take the time to love yourself and know yourself, you’re not so eager to be out in the world looking with a magnifying glass and a list of wants. Instead, you just open yourself up to what may come, politely decline what you don’t want, and focus your energy and happiness in doing the things you like. As cliche as it sounds, you really do attract some interesting things and people when you stop looking for them.

So I say this long spiel to state that no matter what you’ve been through in relationships, no matter the people you’ve encountered through this thing we call life, and no matter what people tell you about clocks and deadlines, you shouldn’t let it push you into becoming a cynic of love and marriage. The person who is so sure that it won’t happen for them that they feel the need to raise an eyebrow at the idea as if to say, “Marriage? For me? Girl, bye.” Plenty of women are being open and finding love not when society tells them they need to, but when they are truly ready for it.

At the end of the day, I just don’t want to see us shut out love because of what we’ve been through, or frown upon marriage because of what other people say it should be about. I respect that she is taking this time for herself, and, after all she’s experienced in matters of the heart, it’s only right. But a time out doesn’t have to turn into one thinking time has run out.

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