Serious Question: Should You Upgrade The Way Your Man Dresses?

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If you’re a diehard Sex and The City fan like me, you’ll remember when Charlotte suggested Mike get circumcised in order for her to have sex with him and he took her advice since he was tired of women sexually rejecting him because of his covered prized possession. In awe, Charlotte was surprised to find a man would change himself in order to become a better lover for her. However, she was in for a rude awakening. After his surgery, Mike “tested” out his new penis for Charlotte and despite their “You-Got-Me- Sprung” coital session, Mike told Charlotte, he rather date other women because his circumcised penis made him feel like a “new man.” Devastated, Charlotte couldn’t believe her suggestion to Mike pushed him to still explore other dating options even though his big change was supposed to be for her sexual enjoyment. However,  in the same episode, her friend Samantha dutifully noted that if you try to change a man, it may work against you.  Samantha’s outlook on this issue is nothing new and one that some women avidly live by.

For example, over the holidays my family members and I came together to celebrate our cousin’s birthday and, of course, girl talk ensued as we sipped rum-infused drinks. The more drinks flowed, the more tea was spilled about our boyfriends and new beaus as we went around sharing in a circle. Eventually, one cousin began to speak about her boyfriend who she claimed was too fine for words but didn’t wear the best outfits –and had a missing tooth. When another cousin asked her if she would buy him better clothes or suggested replacing his tooth, she said, “Hell no! You want me to fix him up for someone else?” Giggles ensued, and although I found myself laughing along, I also knew in my heart I would be uncomfortable dating someone whose attire turned me off — or who I had to fear would leave me if I upgraded him Beyonce style.

Call me shallow or blame my father, who is as spiffy as they come, but I would feel odd about being with someone who didn’t turn me on with their style of dress and didn’t express a certain level of confidence, physically. This doesn’t mean my significant other has to buy expensive clothing; however, I think the way a man carries himself exemplifies what type of vision he has for himself and his success.

Also, my mother raised me not to date anyone who looked unkempt and, in all honesty, I’ve passed on dating men who dressed oddly or looked as though they rolled out of bed because they would usually make comments about me looking “too presentable,” “too clean” or even better, ask me if I thought I was better than them. In short, their confidence issues and annoying projections became tiresome. However, if I ever did date a man who didn’t dress according to a style that usually catches my eye, I don’t think I would change his wardrobe but I would make suggestions about how he could step up his appearance — despite the fear that another woman would scoop him up. If the latter were to happen, then we weren’t meant to be forever and that has nothing to do with appearances or clothing.



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