So the other day I’m watching Wendy Williams interview actress Alyssa Milano about losing her baby weight. This very issue has been on my mind a lot lately. Especially, with the new year just beginning, many of us start thinking about getting fit. Anyway, Alyssa is telling Wendy that after 15 months (that’s how old her baby is), she’s now only five pounds away from her goal weight. Funny thing is, she’s acting like 15 months is a long time. I’m thinking, try four years! Which is how long it’s been taking me; and I’m nowhere near my goal weight.
So it has me seriously wondering, Why is it taking me so long to lose the baby weight?
Well, at first I thought it was the cyst. That thing was huge, but then I got it removed and nothing changed. If anything, I gained weight. Then there was the birth control. Surely, it was the hormones making me want to eat the world. But I stopped that and nothing changed. Again.
Honestly, I hate going there, but it’s my diet. Always has been. I love food. I wake up eating cake and go to bed with a bag of Cheetos. On a good day I throw a salad in-between. There’s nothing like hot bread and butter. When I’m going through a rough patch, I eat. When I’m happy, I eat. I eat. I eat. I eat. So in terms of really trying to lose this weight, I haven’t been trying that hard.
It’s interesting though, because I’ve been skinny before. I spent years as a model where being skinny is the prerequisite. I’ve gained and lost weight enough times to know what it takes. So why am I not doing it now?
When I really think about it, I like my life. For years I fought to be skinny because I felt it equaled success. And let’s be real, for most models, the skinnier the better. So when I was skinny, I did great. When I wasn’t I fell down hard, suffering from bulimia, low self-esteem, and all sorts. Now, I’m older, I’m a mom, and for the first time ever I’m doing something that I love, sitting in front of a computer contemplating what makes the world go round, and it has nothing to do with my weight. In fact, being this weight makes me work harder on my craft because I’m not expecting my looks to get me in the door and carry me the rest of the way. I’m more productive than I’ve ever been. Plus, I look at women like Oprah and Ava DuVernay and they aren’t skinny girls. Yet, they are the ones making the most strides. And I’m not saying that skinny is bad, I still love when I can fit something other than my mom jeans, which have gotten snug, by the way, but I’m not going to knock where I am because I’m not skinny.
And getting back to Oprah, she is trying to lose weight, but maybe it has more to do with personal choice than feeling like a failure. Who knows, maybe gaining and losing weight every few years is how she keeps it interesting.
As for me, something may change tomorrow, because a diet of cake and Cheetos does not a long life make, but today I’m going to enjoy myself and get back to work. I’m good.
Check out Erickka Sy Savané’s column, Pop Mom, right here on Madamenoire. Before Erickka became a writer/editor, she was a model, actress, and MTV VJ. She lives with her husband and two daughters in Jersey City. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.