Dating Diary Of A Single Mom: What Will You Settle For?

January 11, 2016  |  

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We’re less than two weeks into this new year of 2016, and we have all seen plenty of quotes, photos and statuses bidding our recent past adieu, declaring all things ahead bigger, brighter, and better, and publicly stripping ourselves of life’s baggage we tend to pick up through a myriad number of experiences. We get dolled up under a hopeful guise that this year is our year for sure. Ten seconds from yet another new beginning we count down to the exact moment when our lives are to instantly elevate, and three, two, one…we cheer, toast, and kiss to the New Year, only to wake up several hours later feeling exactly the same, except with a hangover.

Now that the New Year is here, what have you really changed? Maybe, you ditched some friends, and cleaned out your closet, or maybe you’ve done your annual social media purge, but what good is any of that if you’re still settling. How long has it been? Three, four or nine years in your relationship. Everything started out great, as it usually does. As time goes on you start to begin to see things you hadn’t noticed before, but now you care more, your feelings are deeper, and you’ve gained a greater interest on your emotional investment. One thing that seems minor turns into two, and two becomes five, and now you’re in love. You communicate, and rationalize, but now you’re on a roller coaster you just can’t get off. No one is perfect, yet who we are, the good and bad all make us imperfectly perfect for someone.

My question is: how much imperfect is reasonable? What will you settle for?

At any level of dating, decisions are being made, both conscious and unconscious. One theme that is always constant in a relationship whether, budding, new or old is settling. How much balance can be measured in what are and are not acceptable behaviors to settle for? Whether you’ve been settling for lies, lateness, infidelity, or abuse what you accept you are ultimately agreeing to deal with for what may potentially be the rest of your life.

So how do you find balance? Where do you draw the line, as you try to establish a new relationship, and set a precedent for the standards by which you choose to live? In general I can be a picky, and hard-to-please kind of person. I know and accept this about myself, which has often lead me to extend more grace than I should to men I’ve dated in the past. I evade my better sense of judgement by assuring myself it is me and not them. I convince myself I should have more patience, and give it time because things may change, but they never do. For 2015, lets have an honest look at ourselves. Lets see our relationship for what it is rather than the potential it seemed to once have. Take all the time you’ve spent convincing yourself that things will change in time as a lesson learned, and vow to live out a new set of unwavering standards.

Cheers to another new beginning!

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