Stop Playing: 5 Rules To Get The Love You Deserve
As single women, we’re constantly being smothered by a new expert, coach, resource or rule that promises to help us get a man. We don’t know whether to be assertive and make the first move, sit back and let him hunt us, make him wait 90 days or be free and give it up whenever we want. Sometimes it’s hard to remember all of the rules we’re supposed to follow, what we should and shouldn’t talk about on the first date, who should pay, what to expect from him and every other detail that is being dictated by dating experts. From conversations with authors, experts, matchmakers, wives and men I’ve discovered one thing- there are no rules. There is no magic formula to make your man appear.
In life and love, we have to be open minded enough to allow new experiences, people and opportunities to connect with us. When we’re trying so hard to “do” all the right things, we don’t give ourselves a chance to enjoy the experience and let things happen naturally. I absolutely believe that love is out there for everyone who wants it, but we have to be ready to receive.
So, while I don’t believe in dating rules, I do believe there are things you can do to prepare for the love you deserve:
Rule #1 Check your friend zone
I heard a quote once that said, “If you’re wondering where your man is, check your friend zone.” The truth is, men who are great friends will often be good mates. Don’t get me wrong, the term friend is one of the most overused words in our language. We often call people our friend who don’t deserve the title. So, when I say friend I am talking about the men you can call when you’re in need. The ones who will come change your light bulb, knock down the bees nest or change your tire when you’re in need. Not the “friends with benefits” friend.
A man who shows you that he cares for your well-being is a man that deserves a chance.
Rule #2 Evaluate your values
What really matters? Sometimes we’re spending our time praying and preparing for something that we may already have but haven’t been able to recognize. You can’t claim to want a good man who treats you right, but you won’t date anyone unless they are your “type”? Your actions must match your intentions, so focus on core values, beliefs and the lifestyle you want to live.
Rule #3 Love who loves you
Over are the days where we run behind had boys because we love the thrill! Grow up. When it comes to deciding whether a man has husband potential, we have to focus on the what he treats us versus the things he tells us. Once you’ve experienced heartache, you’ll understand the difference between someone saying they care and someone telling you they care. The first question you should ask yourself is “How does he treat me?”
Rule #4 Focus on what feels good
Social media has created a false reality for common folk. We spend our days comparing and contrasting our lives with the luxurious lifestyles of celebrities and reality stars. Instead of focusing on what looks good, focus on what feels good. Love who loves you, not just who looks good to you.
Rule #5 You have to accept something from someone
Nobody is perfect! You have to learn to accept something from someone or you will be single for a long time. In reality, it’s about figuring out what you can and can’t deal with versus expecting someone to meet unrealistic expectations. Plus, once you get real about your flaws and imperfections, it will be much easier to accept the flaws of others.
Koereyelle is the founder & CEO of The Single Wives Club.