We Broke Up: Who Keeps The Friends?

January 4, 2016  |  



There is always a debate about who keeps the friends after a bad breakup. Most times, people cut ties with their ex’s friends to avoid any tension or to prevent awkward situations from presenting themselves. But sometimes, the debate around friendship and where your loyalty should lie isn’t that simple.

After breaking up with my boyfriend, I did what any person would do–I cut ties with anything that linked us together. I got rid of him on social media and avoided all of his friends because, after all, they weren’t my friends, or so I thought. He and I had been together for so long that a good chunk of our lives as individuals had disappeared, so moving on was more complicated than I had imagined. But I managed to keep my distance from his family and friends–until recently.

I found it interesting how I’ve built a stronger relationship with some of his line sisters, his females friends, and a few male friends than he has. Some of them don’t even speak to him anymore, but they say there are no hard feelings. For example, I recently celebrated a birthday, and I made plans to go out. I posted those plans on my Instagram and Facebook, and naturally, my friends were inquiring about the details. All of a sudden, I started getting inquiries from my ex’s friends whom I hadn’t spoken to in years. They wanted to know what the “wave” was for my birthday and if they could hang. I thought it was weird that they wanted to join in the festivities with me, and I automatically thought my ex had put them up to it to try to keep tabs on me. Nevertheless, I told them they could join me for the evening, and we ended up at a sports bar the next town over. I thought there was no harm in just hanging for a night with a bunch of my friends, and his friends, individuals I got to know over the course of six years. The night was going well until one decided to vent to me about his recent breakup. That’s when it hit me, that this guy really views me as a friend, regardless of the fact that I no longer have any ties to my ex.

It got me wondering. Is it like some custody battle as to where you have to split the friends up or should friends go with the party they knew first? Granted, adults should have a mind of their own, but the subject of loyalty always surfaces when it comes to forming friendships and bonds. So, should I stop talking to his friends just because I no longer speak to him?

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